Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a mug? A mug dummy.
I hooked up with the groom at my uncle's wedding.
What is green?
Grass, you tard!
So, a blind man got run over by a car... a parked car.
Your clown is so stupid it took a spoon to the Super Bowl.
The winds of Uranus go on and off, so you could say the wind is broken.
Uranus is blue from lack of service.
Q: What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A: A bus full of children.
My dad and I were playing hide and seek. I still haven’t found him. It’s been 15 years.
I aced my poker test...
My teacher asked me to reflect on my work, so I got a mirror...
A caffeinated vampire goes to sleep in a coffin...
Do you get my puns? No, because you can't seem to get a grasp on how bad they are...
So, this guy walked into a cannibal bar. The barista asked him what he wants, and the man ordered water. Then he left, because he wasn't a cannibal and just wanted a glass of water.
Are you fin-ished with your work?
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window, and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window, and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down, and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.” I know.
Roses are red, Velvet is blue, So are violets.
What separates snowmen from snow-women?
Snow balls.
When her head game is so strong, she sucks the chromosome right out of you.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop up an onion.
Ah, what's that on your face? Oh, I forgot, that is your ass. It's so ugly, you stupid-looking bitch!
What do you say to someone's mom?
"You mom gay."
Does anybody know the similarities between a Rubik's cube and a penis?
I don't know the whole answer, but I do know that the more you play with it, the harder it gets.