I asked my lab partner for sodium hypobromate, but he said, "Na Br O."
Chuck Norris and Time had a race.
Result: Time is still running...
I like my boo like I like my packages: straight out of the box.
Lol, I have a teeny black dick.
Why is the moon always hungry? It is almost never full.
gae
pp
pp
pp
pp
White people: *come to America, meet natives and take food, kill them, rape them, and enslave them.*
Natives: Can y-
White people: Hey, you remember all that horrible sh*t we did to you? Let's have a good laugh about it over dinner with your buddies and my new wives.
Cancer is the best thing ever! Hahah, fuck all you cancer patients!
The nearest approximation to a perpetuum mobile would be a Swabian chasing a Scot because of money.
(Swabians are the Scots of Germany regarding finances.)
Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive?
A: Because she's a woman.
A young girl was playing in the park with her mother when she asked the question, "Mummy, what's that building over there?" The mother looked at the prison, smiled, and said, "That's where the cotton pickers live."
Three friends were stuck in the desert they were struggling and trying to find food when. A they found a magical lamp the rubbed it and out came a genie and genie says "each of you friends get to have one wish" so the first friend said I wish to go home same as the second one the third friend said " I'm lonely I wish my friends were with me"
Why did the mushroom get a new house?
Because there wasn’t mushroom!
How did the cow break up with the other cow? He said he moo-ved on.
So, Dora is having a sleepover with her cousin Diego at Dora's house. Later that night, Dora's mom hears someone screaming, "Go Diego go!" for at least a couple of minutes, and then it stops, and she goes back to sleep.
But then she hears the same thing a couple of minutes later, so she walks in and hears "Go Diego go!" She walks over to Diego's sleeping bag and looks, and it's empty, so she walks over to Dora's sleeping bag and looks in and sees Dora getting f
... by Diego and hears Dora saying, "Go Diego go!" while moaning.
I was going to an expensive dinner with my friend's girlfriend because she really wanted to go, but he just got out of surgery, and he said take care of her, so I said, "Will do, bro. I’ll bring her back fuller than a topped-up water bottle."
When a plane is having turbulence, it’s just the pilot shaking the steering.
My dustbin's absolutely full of toadstools!
How do you know it's full?
Because there's not mushroom inside.
What do you call a cow who walks on two legs?
Lean beef.
