Your mama so fat, when Santa saw her he said, "Ho, ho, holy s***!"
What's the difference between the Grand Canyon and a blonde?
The Grand Canyon is a busy ditch.
Q: Why did the Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the second Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was hit by the first Koala.
Q: Why did the third Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in.
When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.
So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."
I went home one day. My mom said, "Look what a few guys got me." It was a MILF trophy.
My mom asked what does that mean. So I said, "Mom's I'd Like To Fuck." Then my mom said, "These guys want to fuck me?" I said, "Yeah." Then my mom said, "I still got it!"
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?
Because he's dead.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how many you throw.
Why did the orange stop?
Because it ran out of juice. Hahhaha.
My name is Mike Oxmaul, and my friend's name is Hugh Janus!
Why do people keep saying, "Why did the toilet paper not cross?" Because it got stuck in the crack, because it got stuck in their crack.
I still remember my granddad's last words,
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
"Fucking cracker and you smell like fish!"
What’s a lesbian’s favorite sport? Dodge balls.
How does Stephen Hawking go to the toilet? He logs out.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
Chuck Norris and Medusa had a staring contest. Medusa turned to stone.
Some people can juggle chainsaws. Chuck Norris can juggle people juggling chainsaws.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!
How do you make a hormone?
Don't pay her.
