What type of tea do you drink with the Queen of England?
Royal-tea.
Worst Jokes Ever
How did the tree get sick?
It got tinsel-itis.
What did the little girl with no arms get for Christmas?
I don't know, she's still trying to open it...
So I went to the doctor's and the doctor said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign."
So I said, "Aquarius."
And the doctor said, "Nah mate, you've got cancer."
Really Karen?
Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suctioned cupped herself to the floor.
She yelled out for her husband, "Bruce! Bruce!" and he came running in. "Bruce, I’ve bloody suctioned myself to the floor!" she said.
"S’truth, Sheila!" Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. "You’re stuck fast girl. I’ll go across the road and get me mate Cobber."
They came back and they both tried to pull her up from the floor. "No way, we can’t do it!" Cobber said, "So let’s try Plan B."
"Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce, "What’s that?"
"I’ll go home and get me hammer and chisel and we’ll break the tiles under her," replied Cobber.
"Spot on!" Bruce said, "While you’re doing that, I’ll stay here and play with her nipples."
"Play with her nipples?" Cobber said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate!"
"No... " Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are a lot cheaper."
If you're gay, then what the f*** are you doing trying to walk straight?
What animal is good at baseball?
A bat!
That is a "Penny-Farthing" bicycle. Dimes if you feed it beans.
I help suicidal people.
BTW verb not adjective.
10 dicks up your mom's ass!
Best way to stop a fight between deaf people?
Just turn off the lights.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "You're." "You're who?" "You're adopted!"
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t have a home base.
Retards.
Your mom stinks.
That is my joke.
You mom doesn’t really stink.
I know I am stupid. 🤕
Why were the cherries 🍒 crying?
Because their parents were in a jam.
If a clown farted, would it smell funny?
Welcome to the abortion clinic. You make 'em, we scrape 'em. No fetus can beat us.
What game is for kids? Uno.
