Me: Mom, I'm tired.
Mom: "Then go to sleep."
Me: No, you don't understand-
Well, a boy and a girl are in a bathtub together.
The little boy says, “Hey, you see that? I’m gonna go ask Daddy what it is.” When the little boy asks his dad, he says, “Well, son, that’s your car. You try to park it in a girl’s parking spot.”
As the boy runs back, he see’s the little girl is missing. It had turned out that the little girl was asking her mama what her spot was and she said, “Well, that’s your parking spot. Never ever let a boy put it in.” When she got back, the little boy tried to put the car in, well he did and she ended up breaking his car that day.
My mom said to take out the trash bags, so I did. And the next day, my mom asked, "Where are your sisters?" I said, "In line to get crushed."
Why was the elephant woozy?
Because he was trunk.
A kid and his dad went to the park. The kid accidentally steps on a cockroach.
They go home immediately and dad gets the scissors. Now the kid has some balls to play with.
What does the cannibal say when he jumps into the pool?
CANNONBALL! P.S. I made this myself.
There is a really, really small guy and his name is Adam, so I say, "Hey, look, it's an atom!"
What do Cavemen poop in?
A Neander stall.
Johnathon
Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar? They don't have Father's or Mother's Day.
Why don’t oranges 🍊 go around blind?
Because they take Vitamin See!
Why couldn't the toilet paper roll down the road?
If you have a broken bone, do you have broken skin?
Mom: I saw John Cena at WWE.
Son: No way, you can’t see him though.
Mom: God!
Son: What?
Mom: You watch too much reality TV (comes to smack butt).
Son: Also because I’m John Cena.
Mom: Where, where’d ya go?
John Cena: Hey, Mom.
Mom: I’m only 31, you’re 42.
Three copycats on a boat, one jumps off. How many are left? Zero, because they're copycats!
Why is a moon rock tastier than an Earth rock? It’s a little meteor.
I can tell you a pun about a pencil, oh! Never mind, it’s pointless.
Question: What's the smallest thing on earth?
Answer: Your brain.
Why does the orange 🍊 beat the other fruits 🍎 in every race?
Because it never runs out of juice.
Why are so many people mean to orphans?
They can’t cry to their parents.
