Kidnapping is just surprise adoption.
GOOGOO?
RTY!
Where do keyboards go to have dinner?
The space bar!!!
Stephen Hawking walked in a bar...
Just kidding.
What's a school shooter's favorite flower?
Columbine.
Oh he.
Uuhgggyuuuhhhgg.
Just to an orphan.
Orphan: You're stupid.
You: You're so ugly, it's the reason your parents are dead.
As a scientist, I confirm that you speak too fast. It has a speed of 1 bullshit per second.
A: What's the similarity between your girlfriend and the sun?
B: They're both hot?
A: They're both massive.
Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?
A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.
Your mom's so fat, when she sat on Walmart, she lowered the prices!
Do not tell an orphan family meeting; they wouldn't get it.
Why isn't there much honey in Brazil?
Because there's only one B in Brazil.
I have more chin than the Chinese phone book.
Depressed people are lame because they are just lame, no reason.
A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.
On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."
On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.
Iron Man: Where are you from?
Thor: Asgard.
Iron Man: Do you mean ass guard?
Why does a heterosexual man swallow the sperm of another man after he has given him a brojob?
Because of the cream filling inside, just like the individually wrapped cakes of Hostess Twinkies.
How much of a homophobic heterosexual man are you?
I'm a heterosexual man that is so homophobic I won't suck a big dick that has ketchup on it.
How much of a homophobic heterosexual man are you? I'm so homophobic I won't suck a big dick that has ketchup on it.
