Worst Jokes Ever

No means no, but if you use chloroform, it’s a guaranteed yes.

What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

I went to the dam to take the dam tour, but the dam tour guide told me there wasn't going to be a dam tour that day. So I was thirsty and I wanted some dam water, but the dam man wouldn't give me any dam water, so I told the dam man to keep his dam water.

Girls with the name Carley have the biggest forehead on the earth, I mean, moon.

Why did Hitler kill himself?

His gas bill was too high.

After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years.

But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!

What goes white, black, white, black, red?

A zebra falling down the stairs.

I started crying when dad was cutting onions.

Onions was such a good dog.

Your mom is so fat that she mains Heavy from the game Team Fortress 2!

Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

My grief counselor died today. He did such a great job. I don't even care.

Beneath this monumental stone Lise, 80 pounds of skin and bone.

Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.

Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

What's the difference between a little boy and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't scream when you put your meat in it.

An orphan can never get a call home from school because they don’t have a home to call.

Why is it that when women decide to kill an unborn baby, it's a "CHOICE," but when I decide to drive my F-150 into a playground full of kids, it's called "MURDER"!

I really want to beat the living daylights out of you, but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage.

Why did the skeleton have no friends?

He was a boner!

Heheheh!

Ah, see ya soon kiddo.

I'm going on break.

I'll give you some fried snow later!

My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.

Why did the skunk cross the road?

To get to the odor side!