Worst Jokes Ever

A new feature that we are bringing to the Olympics is 3D viewing. So if you're watching the javelin, I would look away now.

Let's take a look at the Swedish bench for today's game. $12.99 from Ikea.

In this modern age, I feel as though it's inappropriate to make jokes about herbs and fish.

It's not the thyme or the plaice for it.

Well, we started off by ripping up ALL of the decking.

Abandon ship!

As you can see here, Jessie is wearing a lot of concealer.

Jessie?

I would like to complain about the new sushi restaurant at Gatwick Airport. Although there were large portions going round on the conveyor, they did taste a bit like luggage.

So an orphan goes to the store and gets a bunch of cartons of milk.

The cashier goes, "Woah, why so much?"

The orphan goes, "My dad never came back with the milk, so, well, here we are!"

The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below.

Trump: "I think I’ll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy."

Melania: "Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy?"

Ivanka: "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy."

Pilot: "Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"

Hey, can I tell you a joke about pencils? Never mind, it's pointless.

I am gay.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They put doorknobs on a wall and said, "Open the door."

Leukophobic people don’t have sex. Leukophobia is the fear of white.

They call it the Cold War because Russia is cold in 2 ways.

Kids are only virgins because their dicks are small.

I fed some chickens some eggs. They ate them. Nothing else to explain except they are cannibals.

My mom told me to look for a bill in her file at her home office. Instead, I grabbed my sister's adoption papers.

6 looks like someone facing up.

9 looks like someone facing down.

69 looks like 2 people sucking each other's dicks.

Why are gay people bad at hide and seek?

Because they're always coming out of the closet.

SEX Some Event Xaern

Xaern - loving something so much you begin to dislike it.

If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.

But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.