Worst Jokes Ever
If I wanted to kill myself, I would just climb up your ego and jump down to your IQ.
There was a woman from Ealing, she had a peculiar feeling. She laid on her back, opened her crack, and pissed all over the ceiling.
So I guess Ice Cube was right, Eazy's dick smelling like MC Ren's shit, and Eazy died of AIDS.
How do you surprise a blind guy? Leave the plunger in the toilet.
Why did the kid cry?
His dad didn't get the milk.
What do you call an octopus on land?
A spider, duh!
My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"
When someone calls you, say "Welcome to Joe's Pizza Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce."
When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes, I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it, "I'll get you some food once we get off."
People are like sharks; only the great ones are white.
A depressed kid tried to give a tree a high-five, but the tree left him hanging.
What does a lesbian and a sea turtle have in common?
They both choke on plastic.
What kind of file turns a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A pedophile.
Yes (DYM 66).
Imagine not having a dad.
What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff.
What's pink and rusty? Madeline McCann's bike.
Your mama is so fat, One Punch Man had to punch twice.
Me: Knock knock.
Friend: Who's there?
Me: Impatient feminist.
Friend: Impati--
Me: Why don't we have equal pay YETTTTTTT?
Me: Mrs., can I read my book?
Teacher: Sure.
Me: *watching my Chromebook*
Why can't Stephen Hawking be a Rocket League car? Because he can't jump for an aerial.