Worst Jokes Ever

Hey Gwen, reply to me and say if everything is alright.

Hey D.K., how are you? :)

Love you!

Once Jimmy was minding his own business, then he hears his mom come home. He asked, "Where have you been?" She replied with, "I was at work," yet he knew his mom did not have work. So the next day, while heading to school, he gets a phone call saying his mom is pregnant, and they want to try their device, and they need the baby's dad to say if it's alright.

Good luck, Gwen, with everything!

Billy: *spits out food*

Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths.

Dad: *looks at mom*

Mom: Shut up.

If you get it, you get it.

Please read all of it. I know it's long, please read all of it.

This dad heard his daughter praying. As she was praying, she came to an end: "Goodnight grandma, goodbye grandpa, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy." The dad didn't think about the grandpa part and headed to bed. The next morning, the mom and dad heard that the grandpa died. The dad thought it was just coincidence, so he carried on with his day. At night, he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye grandma, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy." After he heard "goodbye grandma," his facial expression changed, and he went straight to bed. The next morning, the grandma died out of nowhere. The dad began to worry and continued on with his day. At night, he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye daddy, goodnight mommy." The dad got scared, so he had a plan to go to work and stay hidden there. So that's what he did. When he got home the next day, his wife asked where he had been, and he replied back, "Sorry honey, I had a horrible day today." She replied back saying: "Oh, you think you had a bad day? The mailman just died on the front porch this morning!" If you get it, you get it.

"Look at these kids stealing ideas, bro. They're going to jail."

Why are Americans bad at chess? Because they lost two towers.

My dad died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

Why is there a middle school?

Because the kids that go there are middle class families.

Why do kids like bananas?

'Cause they like doing the nana.

What is one word orphans can't spell?

Family.

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

*slaps* "We ask ze questions!"

What do you call James Bond in a bathtub?

Bubble 007.

What do volcanoes and suicide bombers have in common?

They both erupt when triggered.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high, grabbed Jill's thigh, and said, "I know you wanna."

Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

Are you my pantry? Because you look like a snack ;)

Hello, welcome to Joe’s Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I help you today?

I was digging and found some gold. I was going to tell my mom, then I remembered why I was digging.

I bet China can be the best baseball team. They took out the entire world with just a bat.