Worst Jokes Ever
Rachel won the lottery twice in two years. Her friend Jim called her every day asking for tips on winning, just the same. Then one day, simply to get rid of him, Rachel said, "Watch two martial arts movies, eat three pieces of hard beef jerky, and pick a fight at a bar."
Jim replied with a shocked look, "That's what I do after Mr. Tugman shakes my hand too long."
Kobe Bryant never missed a shot.
But he nailed that mountain.
Why do orphans want to be criminals?
Joe Biden's speeches are so motivational. In fact, I have been stuck at home these past few weeks, and his well articulated words were enough for me to muster up the courage to jump off of a 10 story building.
Why couldn't the Orphan play baseball?
Because he couldn't find home!
Heyyy, in the last six months, [I had] 4 suicide attempts, broke up with 3 girls, and my mom went on drugs.
What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?
The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.
What do you call a Chinese car thief?
Tommy Tookamota.
Why can't orphans go to Home Depot?
Because they do not have a home!
I'll give you 20 dollars if you let me cum in you.
What did the orphan say to his dad last?
Please get non-fat milk!
I'd make a joke about epilepsy, but the computer started flashing.
I want to make a joke about old age, but I'm too senile to finish it.
What's the difference between a glass of chocolate milk and a toddler?
The thing is, I wasn't arrested for throwing a glass of chocolate milk against the wall.
A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"
"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"
What makes a joke a dad joke? When it leaves and doesn't come back.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they can't find home plate.
OTHERS (MOTIVATED): If I had FLYING as a SUPERPOWER, FALLING would be the BEGINNING STAGE.
ME (DEPRESSED): OK, GOOD IDEA! LETS FALL OFF THE CLIFF AND FLY TO HEAVEN!!
What's worse than depression & suicide?
Easy: LIVING. Everyday you wish you were dead but then reality hits you in the face that you're still alive and have to suffer living.
Pretend or not pretend, we have to decide everyday even if we don't pretend no one will notice :) no one ever does :). Living is the problem to everything. We get depression cuz of it and so much. Why can't we just die :)?
Sex is like math.
Subtract the clothes, add the bed, divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.