"You is so black your mama fainted."
What type of cake can't orphans eat?
Home made.
Three unlucky jungle explorers were captured by a band of cannibals. Whilst being tied to three respective stakes, the chieftain announces that the hapless adventurers were about to die.
"After you're dead, you'll be skinned. The skin will be used to increase our canoe armada, and the rest of you will be food for us and our families."
This announcement was met with gasps of despair from the bound trio.
"There is one small favor I can offer you," the chief went on. "We'll let you choose your own method of death from what we have captured from other explorers."
Some of the tribal members begin walking by, displaying various implements of war and death.
The first explorer chose a crusty-looking musket. Thankfully, the powder load still fired, and he was dispatched without much fuss.
The second chose a knife and quickly drew it across his throat.
Both carcasses were hauled off by various tribesmen.
The third explorer stood there resolute and deep in thought.
After a few moments, the chieftain said, "There is no escape, you need to decide now, or I'll decide for yo..."
"Do you have a fountain pen in any of that junk?" the explorer interrupted?
Baffled, the chieftain sent two of his men to rummage. They came back bearing the pen and a bottle of ink.
When the explorer noticed the ink was Noodler's Baystate Blue, his grin spread from ear to ear.
Gathered round the explorer, spears in hand, the cannibals looked on as he was released and set to work filling the pen with ink.
Confused, the chief began to speak, "I'm afraid we have no paper, and even if you wrote a final letter, we'd have no way of sending it anywh..."
Cackling with triumphant glee, the explorer raised the pen into the air and began ramming it into his torso, nib first, again and again. He then fell upon the ground gasping a death rattle.
Horrified, the chief drew close as the man beckoned him for one final word.
"But why this painful death? When you had so many other more merciful options?" the chief asked.
Laughing, the man gasped his last statement into the chief's ear, "You'll make no boats from me now, and your mouths will be blue for months!"
What's worse than ten babies nailed to one tree?
One baby nailed to ten trees.
Why do orphans hate Dom Toretto?
Because they hate how he cares about family.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know how to hit a home run.
Normally I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it’s two plane.
Life asked death, "Why do people choose you over me?"
Death replied, "Because you're the beautiful lie, and I'm the painful truth."
When you were born, your mom said you were out of bounds, so you went flying out of the hospital.
I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night.
It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.
Tooth 1: Hey, do you like my jokes?
Tooth 2: Yeah, but they're cracking me up.
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where's popcorn?
What does the drummer call his twins? Anna 1, Anna 2.
Why does the pancake team in baseball always win? Because they have the best batter.
What does a house wear? Address.
Roses are red, I sniff marijuana, I have five fingers, The middle one is for your vagina.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD
What is happening? Which is better: being loved or being hated? State your answer.
A man and a boy went into a forest. The boy said he was scared. The man said, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone."
What do you call a fish with no booty?
