Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

Noose: "Hey man, wanna hang out?"

Corpse: "Sorry man, I'm dead inside."

How you feel when you slit yourself once: :(

How you feel when you slit yourself more than once: <:(

How you feel when you slit yourself everyday: *dead inside*

Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.

Hey so I like orphan jokes, and some of them are fun, but I think that's engonp.

My worst fear is being trapped in a lift with a man who is confident he can fix it.

A teacher in Scunthorpe asks a class what their favorite football team is, saying, "Raise your hand if it is Scunthorpe." Every student but one raised their hand. The teacher asks, "Why don't you support Scunthorpe?" The child answers, "My parents support Grimsby, and so do I." The teacher comes back with, "Why are you copying your parents? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad a druggie?" The child answers, "Then I'd support Scunthorpe like you dirty bastards!"

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  • Being an orphan isn’t all bad.

    On the bright side, all your snacks are family sized.

    Why wasn't the infant's entire body found?

    Because the limbs are scattered around 43°17.7355’N, 113°58.4205’W.

    Give a man a match, and he's warm for a few minutes. Set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

    Famous last words of my uncle, (a bomb disposal expert): "yes, the red wire."

    Top tip; if your wife asks, "What would you like to do to my body?" 'Identify it' is the wrong answer.

    My wife and I watched The Perfect Murder together. Excellent movie, but what disturbed me though was my wife constantly taking notes.

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  • Dad: No, Timmy, you don't have to worry, there is no monster sleeping under your bed, it sleeps every night in the bed next to me.