Worst Jokes Ever
I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces.
Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one.
She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”
Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?
Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.
"You're the bomb."
"No, you're the bomb."
A compliment in the US, an argument in the Middle East.
I thought opening a door for a lady was good manners, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.
Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.
Why are astronauts forgetful?
They're always spacing out.
What do Myspace and my dad have in common?
I haven't seen them in a while.
Alabama gene pools are so shallow, when they freeze over, it's just snow.
Man goes to the doctor. He has a banana sticking out of one ear, a carrot sticking out of the other ear, and a green bean sticking out of one nostril.
"Doctor, I'm not feeling well," the man complains.
"Well, it's no wonder," the doctor replies. "You're not eating right!"
My mom said I need Jesus in my life, so I drunk up the holy water ;}
What are Michael Jackson's pronouns?
He, he.
My mom ate my food, so I ate her pet hamster.
Your Mom is so friking fat, that when she ripped her pants and went to the seamster, they said, "We don't sew curtains!"
Fuck people who are bigger than me physically, emotionally, mentally, economically, and socially.
I support men.
There are women's support groups, but where are men's support groups?
Why did the chicken cross the road to Popeyes Chicken?
It wanted to pop some chicken eyes...