Worst Jokes Ever
Three sons left home, went out into the world, and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.
"I built a big house for our mum," said the first.
"I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur," said the second.
And the third smiled and said, "I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it."
A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,
"The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house."
To the second son she said, "I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude."
To the third son she wrote "Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!"
I could never date a midget.
We would never see eye to eye.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home.
What is a briefcase?
A short lawsuit.
If all your clothes were stolen, what would you go home in?
The dark.
What's the difference between intelligence and apathy?
I don't know! I don't care!
My sister said that I need to stop with the audited butt:
I got it from her when I was born.
Are you an abstract manifestation of my childhood traumas and recent memories combined? 'Cause damn, you look like you came out of a dream!
My wife told me to pass her lip stick, but I gave her a glue stick. Now she is not talking to me.
What does an emo kid and pizza have in common?...... The pizza doesn’t cut itself.
Your momma's so fat, when I went to suck her titties, I got a mouth full of knee.
Your momma's so fat, when she pulls her knickers down, her ass is still in them.
Your momma's so fat, she had to take a selfie using the Hubble telescope.
What will you call Burj Khalifa after 100 years?
"Bujurg" Khalifa. (Just a joke)
Why did an orphan have s**? To have someone to call daddy.
Why was the kid's report card all wet?
Because it was below "sea" level.
Rape jokes are like your dad's dick. You don't want it but you still get it anyway.
I'm not looking for consent, I'm looking for cooperation!
I wanted to play Fruit Ninja, but remembered I don’t have a phone. Guess I gotta draw fruit on my arm!
Why do people enjoy orphan jokes! Lol... I LOVE IT >:)