Worst Jokes Ever

What did the calculator say to the student?

You can always count on me.

I don't like calculator jokes because they are too overused.

How do emo bands prepare for their shows?

They self-harmonize.

Why do we tell actors to "break a leg"?

Because every play has a cast! Get it? Lol.

Why are washers better than babies?

Washers don't cry when you put a load in them.

What do you call a kid that's in the fire? Hot Wheels.

Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"

I like dildos.

What do Michael Jackson and a Playstation have in common? They both get turned on by kids.

What's the difference between your girlfriend and sister? Nothing if you're from Alabama.

How did Helen Keller die?

Her ex gave her plutonium and told her to eat it.

I was telling the emo kid emo jokes, and I couldn’t read them because I was laughing too hard. I almost cut the emo kid. He wasn’t laughing at the jokes.

Just cum.

Guess why a lot of orphans were in "Home Alone"? Because their family left them.

I know the voices in my head aren't real, but man, do they have some good ideas.

I finally stopped drinking for good.

Now I purely drink for evil.

How is sports like regular life for orphans?

They don't get picked for either.

Why aren't emos and trees friends? Because the tree leaves them hanging.

Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?

Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.