Your hairline is so far back you ain't got a fo'head, you got a five head!
Doctor: You should stop masturbating.
Me: Doc, I'm almost done.
Hello my fellow Canadians, I mean Americans. I, your cool and hip president, has decided to give everyone free ice cream! Even the Russians. Go out to your local ice cream shop and make sure to leave your kids at home!
The 'f' on orphan stands for family.
What's the difference between an orphan and a vegetable?
The vegetable gets picked.
im joe bidens husban
You've been hit by, You've been struck by, Planes!
Pickup lines in 2022 are like: "Are you Russia? Because your bombs are so big!"
How is the business in Ukraine? It's booming.
What’s the worst part of a vegetable,
A wheelchair
What do an ice cream cone and a Ukrainian orphanage have in common?
Children scream when they melt.
What's the difference between China and New York City?
In China, the Asians ride ON the trains. In New York City, they usually end up riding UNDER them.
Wilt Chamberlain may have spread his seed among many women, but Kobe spread his brain matter all over California.
What's the difference between a dead baby in my trash can and a discarded sex toy?
...
I'm still trying to think of an answer.
Why can't Jesus walk on water anymore?
For the same reason a ship won't stay afloat with holes in the bottom.
Did you hear that nursing homes keep returning the new Paul Walkers?
They let the elderly move fast, but then burst into flames and burn the patients alive.
Say what you want about Paul Walker, but he was a smart guy.
You can tell by the quantity of brain matter on his dashboard.
Why does Little Johnny hate hot dogs?
It reminds him of last night.
Me to an orphan: If you had a penny for everyone who loved you, I don't think you'd have any.
The orphan: But why?
Me: Because if someone loved you, they wouldn't have thrown you out.
My mom is telling me to get off Friday Night Funkin' or she will slam my head against the keyboard: weherhrqqkh[qokqho[krq3[t4i2-4q43q343q44334q43.
