Worst Jokes Ever
What did the blanket say when he fell off the bed?
Oh sheet!
lolo.
A man walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia.
The librarian whispers, "They're right behind you!"
Why can't a T-Rex clap?
Because they're dead :/
You know how divers jump off a cliff and land in the water well...
Emos do that too, but when they jump, they don't land in the water.
Why did the turtle start flying? He was on a jet.
You smell dirty toenails and pigeon sex.
I would invite you to play baseball, but there's no home for you to run to.
Why is your mom ugly, bozo?
What do you call an ex-lesbian?
A clitter quitter.
What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?
Kid's.
Me lol.
Imagine someone leaving a cut-out of Jeff Bezos on your car after you found out your blind bf cheated on you, and the McDonald's employee says over the speaker, "Weren't expecting him to see other hoes were you?"
My kid runs in today to tell me that he found a floating cow, but when he got me to come and see, all I saw was a piñata with a tail and white spots. Such a stupid child. So after that I gave him a nice refreshing drink from the toilet and a few of those chocolate sprinkles. (: I'm such a good parent...
In kindergarten, we were starting to learn how to use "big kid words." On Monday, the teacher asked everyone to share what they did over the weekend, but we had to use big kid words.
Eventually it got to my turn, and the teacher asked me what I did over the summer. I told her I read a book. She asked me what book, and to remember to use "big kid words." I'll never forget the horrified look on her face when I replied with "Winnie the Shit."
Why couldn't the orphan have the bag of chips?
It was family size.
Why is being alive so expensive? I'm not even having a good time.
A normal kid brings an MP3 to school.
A rich kid brings an MP4 to school.
A quiet kid brings an MP5.
When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to just cheer up, god damn, why didn't I think of that?
Have you ever seen a blind man swim?
Neither has he.