Worst Jokes Ever

What thing can jump the highest?

Emo kids, some of them are still in the air.

I can't tell what's farther, the Great Wall of China, or how far Paul Walker flew out of his windshield.

What is the worst thing to do at a funeral?

The corpse.

I ate Nemo.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

Because they can’t find home.

You know the Twin Towers employees were supposed to meet a good football team. Instead, they just met the Jets.

My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.

So my ex, who wouldn't leave me alone because she thought I was the best person in the world even though Will has a better haircut than me, but anyway, when we broke up she said I was the worst person she ever met, and I told her she looks like a cross between a beaver and a mole rat.

Then I told her she has the Wendy's logo haircut and then some other things I'm not gonna say. 2 years of bullshit, I was done.

Anyways, she cried lol.

What did the South Tower say to the North Tower?

Who is buried in the tomb of Alexander the Grape?

Alexander the raisin.

Your lips are so big, it turns the Grand Canyon sideways.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't run home.

I was going to share my joke about anal, but, fuck it, it was inappropriate.

Why can orphans not play baseball?

Because they can't find home.

Did you hear about the baseball game between America and Ethiopia?

America - 8

Ethiopia - didn't.

"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"

Memories: I have ligma.

Ligma what?

Ligma balls.

If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.

You've heard of anal sex.

You've heard of oral sex.

You've heard of genital sex.

But have you ever heard of NASAL SEX?

Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?

Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.

|| 20 YEARS LATER ||

Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?

Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.

Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.