D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: Don't take drugs kids!
Me: My therapist says I need those to live.
D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: _escorts to school counselor_
What’s a movie that’s related to an orphan? “Spider-Man: No Way Home.”
I want to cream, rn.
What’s the difference between your wife and a light switch?
I don’t turn on a light switch.
What do emos and the Lorax have in common?
They both hang with trees.
What type of doctor is Doctor Pepper?
A fizzician.
One day, I was walking through a park when I realized it was crowded.
To this day, I still don't know who let the children out of my basement.
Me walking away after committing murder in a school with my trusty “friend”.
Why were the baker's hands brown?
Because he was kneading a poop.
Ahhhhh shit! IT’S HUNTING SEASON y’all!
Yo mama is so ugly, when I took a picture of her, my phone screen cracked.
Yo mama so fat, she took both sides of the family.
Yo mama so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.
Why are the people that get your order at restaurants called waiters? They don't wait for the food; we wait for the food. They should be called "note takers." They take notes for food.
Jump in the Cadillac. (Girl, let's put some miles on it.) Anything you want. (Just to put a smile on it.) You deserve it, baby, you deserve it all, And I'm gonna give it to you. Gold jewelry shining so bright, Strawberry champagne on ice, Lucky for you, that's what I like, that's what I like. Lucky for you, that's what I like, that's what I like.
-Tommyinnit
"Jump in the Cadillac, girl, let's put some miles on it."
Yo mama so [full of] kidney stones Thanos used them for his gauntlet.