Worst Jokes Ever
(BILL is sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting with his tie. MR. SMITH enters with a clipboard.)
MR. SMITH: (sternly) Good morning, Bill. Ready for your interview?
BILL: (nervously) Uh, yes, sir! I’ve prepared a lot for this!
MR. SMITH: (raising an eyebrow) Great! Let’s start with an easy question. Why do you want this job?
BILL: (confidently) Well, I want to help your company succeed! I believe in hard work and dedication!
MR. SMITH: (nods) Good to hear. Now, what’s your biggest weakness?
BILL: (eyes widening) I tend to be overly honest.
MR. SMITH: (leaning in) That’s not really a weakness.
BILL: (smirking) I don’t care what you think!
(MR. SMITH pauses, surprised, then bursts out laughing.)
MR. SMITH: (laughing) Okay, you’re hired! We need more honesty around here!
Why don’t rappers tell secrets?
Because they always end up DROPPING it.
Trees are just bushes with lift kits.
I asked a person in a wheelchair if they wanted to fight. All I had to do is say, "Stand up!"
Why don’t rappers play hide and seek?
Because good rappers always stand out!
My grandpa was a great pilot, but he died on September 11, 2001.
I walked up to some Arabs and said "Alawakba," then here came the second tower.
My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.
One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.
What does an orphan and a military man not have in common? Neither gets to go back home.
What’s a rapper’s favorite MUSICAL NOTE?
G major.
What's the rarest gun you can find in Africa? A water gun.
The definition of the word "Disappointment" means running into a wall with a boner and breaking your nose.
What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.
What words black people can't say? "Thanks for your help, officer."
What's the difference between your new girlfriend and a tornado? At first, there is a lot of blowing, and then your house will be gone.
Why is there no medication in Africa?
Because doctors advised, "You don't take it on an empty stomach."
How do you make a dishwasher work again?
Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"
When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”
"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”
“Where do you come from?"
"Rome."
“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”
To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”
Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, never heard of him.”
Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"
"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"He says Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"
What do you call a group of rappers stuck in traffic?
A cypher circle.