Exercise?
I thought you said "extra fries!"
-A minion (you may now laugh).
Worst Jokes Ever
I heard this was a really popular funeral home. People are dying to get in.
My grandma stubbed her toe in an elevator on September 21st.
Literally every movie:
"I love you." "I love you, too."
My life:
My 'friends': "Hey, Hailey likes you!" Him: "Wtf, I have a girlfriend, sorry not sorry." His friends: Spreads the word throughout the whole goddamn country. 😶
Top G advice: You’re either a smart fella or a fart smella.
Why are Helen Keller jokes so funny?
Because she’s blind and deaf.
Why were the Twin Towers mad when they ordered pizza?
They ordered pepperoni and got ✈️.
Alabama.
Every time there's a family reunion, a baby is born 9 months later.
Right, I have a dog and his name is Syndrome, and whenever he is good, I go "Good Syndrome," but whenever he is naughty, I go "Down Syndrome."
Yo mama is so fat that she stepped on the scale and it says, "Hey fat b****, break your fat a** in half so you won't weigh as much!"
Yo mama is so fat that she got on the scale, and it says, "Lose some pounds before you get on the scale, or it will break!"
Luckily, his funeral was a closed casket, sorry, his car blew a gasket.
When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.
When you're working in the Twin Towers and your computer connects to the airplane wifi.
Why can't an orphan go to school? He needs a parent admission form to get in.
I used to have a son, but he died the same way Eric Clapton's son died. For inspiration.
One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.
She asked me, "What are you doing?"
I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."
She asked, "What does that mean?"
I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."
In chess, why does the queen have more mobility than the king?
Because the chessboard looks like a kitchen floor.
In some places in the world, you can't get an abortion even after rape. That's so fucked up.
You serve your time, you get out, and you STILL have to pay child support. What a nightmare.
What is an orphan’s favorite Roblox game?
Adopt Me!
