Worst Jokes Ever

I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."

I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.

I asked for emotional support. They handed me a mirror and said, "Talk to someone who cares."

I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.

I used to be into fitness. But running from my problems got exhausting.

I told my therapist I feel suicidal. He charged me in advance.

I bought a coffin on Black Friday. It was a killer deal.

What's the difference between a child and a cancer diagnosis? At least the cancer grows up and leaves eventually.

Rip Juice WRLD.

I have a friend who's a suicide bomber. He's a blast at parties.

What's the difference between a joke and a tragedy? Timing.

My therapist said I have trouble letting go of the past. So I killed him.

I started a company making coffins. The slogan? 'We're dying to meet you.'

What does Michael Jackson say when it gets hot?

He-he-eat!

Who's there?

Interrupting cow.

Interrupting c—

MOO!

What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you run out of money.

"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."

"Say what you want about the deaf."

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

I always thought the idea of education was to learn to think for yourself.