What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
Worst Jokes Ever
What is the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?
Slick her hair, she looks 15.
What’s worse than spiders on your piano?
Craps on your organ.
How did you get into the tampon 100?
Pull some strings!
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoe? White vans.
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
Why are people in Japan so thin?
Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.
Why are people from New York so bad at chess?
Because they quickly lose two towers (rooks).
This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.
What's the difference between a cop and bacon?
Bacon is full of fat and makes you feel good. A cop is full of shit and will make you feel their hot steamy cock as they ram it up your ass with some justice sprinkled on top.
Why do black people only have nightmares? Because the last one who had a dream was shot.
Google is a woman because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before it makes suggestions.
My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.
Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.
Your hairline goes so far back that it was getting whipped in the 1800s.
Your hairline is so far back, your barber didn't know where to start.
Calling Alabama's football team an astonishment would be the biggest understatement of the century, especially since they continuously catch balls from someone who isn't related to them.
Why do people in Alabama always swipe left on Tinder?
Because they aren't family!
So Americans strongly worship Donald Trump, eh? Well, let's put that claim to the test by throwing him into the general population of Rikers Island.
I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.
Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.
...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.
Why are Republicans supporting giving felons the right to vote?
Because their own personal jeebus is a felon!
