Worst Jokes Ever

You know how in Pinocchio the French puppets have the thigh rings?

Well, I got them too! Only red and thinner.

I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.

When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"

I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."

Messi chiquito...

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 was a registered sex offender.

What do orphans and police not have in common?

The police can actually go home.

My child: "Dad, am I beautiful?"

Me: "You’re like the sun, sweetie. You’re painful to look at."

I asked the little German girl to rate our sex between 1-10. She kept crying and shouting "9!"

That's the best I've done so far.

What does a male Asian P*rnstar like to say?

"I love eating cat."

I got detention for giving an emo kid a happy meal.

Why aren’t orphan jokes funny?

The punchline isn’t apparent.

Yo mama so fat, every time she measures her carbon footprint the website breaks.

Yo mama so fat, when she jumps, NASA says a meteor hits Earth.

What kind of paper likes music? Wrapping paper.

I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a muscle.

Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was assaulted.

Turn the number 543354 upside down to see "sheesh."

Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.

Q: What do you call 9/11? A: Enemy persion airstrike.

Dude, if there is a watermelon, shouldn't there be an earthmelon, airmelon, and a firemelon? The elemelons.

Dude, if you're at the ATM, wouldn't that mean you're buying your own money?