I once told Siri, "Hey Siri, why am I still single?" She opened the front camera.
Ur mama so fat that when she went to the ocean, all the whales started singing, "We are family," even knowing your fatter than me.
Mike Oxlong: What's deez, Mike?
Mike Oxsmall: I dunno. What is deez?
Mike Oxlong: DEEZ NUTS! HA, GOT 'EM!
What do you call Autistic kids baking?
"Downies" with brownies.
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
To be wanted.
Some people put zodiacs on everything.
They said they couldn’t go to the party because of cancer.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Draggin’.
Draggin’ who?
Draggin’ these balls around yo’ face.
Why did Michael Jackson allow little boys to sleep in his house? Because he's bad.
Who did Michael Jackson want to be like? The man in the mirror.
What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."
What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."
Joseph Jackson wants Michael's kids to tour as the Jackson 3.
If you killed an orphan's family... oh wait!
The twins ordered pepperoni, but they got plain.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Joe Mama!
Weirdo: I'm too high to die!
Me: You'll just fall harder.
What movie do orphans relate to the most?
- Home Alone
My family was watching Home Alone 2, so whenever Kevin was at the top of the Twin Towers, I threw a paper airplane at the T.V.
I called an orphan Spiderman because he's "no way home."
I put a guy in a fridge. He said, "I had a nightmare!"
