Worst Jokes Ever
A priest, a rabbi, and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, “Is this some kind of joke?”
Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.
The only woman to ever tell you that they loved you was your mom. (If she even loved you in the first place.)
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
My son asked for a swimming pool so I got him a ant 🐜🐜🐜 pool.
Why don't orphans play tag?
Because there's no one to catch.
Wanna hear two short jokes and one long one?
joke, joke, jooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooke.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett? Six hours.
At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.
Why do so many people get charged with rape? Because they are too stupid to finish her off and bury the body.
What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.
Trevor Bauer for President.
Me: Looks like a girl, sure as h3ll I don't sound like one.
Michael Jackson: Looks like a boy, sure as h3ll don't sound like one.
That [is] what we have i[n] commen, but if you mix up my gender I won't give a F about it. Michael Jackson not so much : )
You: Hey, Alexa, what is your gender?
Alexa: I identify as Michael Jackson, and my pronouns are...
Me: *hears it* And their pronouns are he/he.
What do depressed people do when they’re bored?
They “Hang” Out.
What Lord of the Rings book is banned from the United States?
The Two Towers.
What do you do if you see an Indian woman getting raped? Nothing, since raping is a normal everyday part of Indian culture.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they are all crying in a dark corner.
"What time is it?"
"Daytime."
Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.