Need jokes
Why do people play soccer?
Because people need to kick harder to win a parent.
Me in 2078 when the COVID-19 delta alpha theta beta cya layta alligayta nlgga chungus sussy deef clussy sussy bussy cunnybrap variant comes out and I need to stay in lockdown for another 2 years with my new mandated virus stopper buttplug 9000.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
'Cause 7 8 9.
But why did 7 eat 9?
'Cause you need 3 square meals a day :D
Why can't orphans go to school? They need their parents to sign them up.
I made a website to support orphans.
It just needs a home page.
You’re so short, you must need a ladder to reach your advice and dreams.
I was talking to a Muslim yesterday, and he asked me what it's like to be blind.
I happened to tell him about 20 jokes; in fact, I was working on my twentieth. So I answered with, "At least I don't have to screw in light bulbs. It's not like I need the damn things anyway."
Me: Why did the bus drop his ice cream?
Sanity to live: I don't know?
Me: He was run over by Timmy!!!
Sanity to live? *dies*
Me: *At edge of bridge* Wow, sweet view.
Sanity to live: *resurrected*
Narrator: Sometimes a bridge is all you need...
(sponsored by jumping bridges)
Yo mama so fat, she needs 500,000 calories a day to keep her fueled.
Need an arch? I Noah guy.
History teacher: "They had a temporary cure for the disease, but it would be years before they found a cure for life."
Student: "I need that."
Stephen is lucky he doesn’t need a vibrator.
He’s got himself.
Your mama's so fat, she needed NASA to make her ID card!
Hello, This is Jimmy from Jimmy's Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic! Your next loss is our next sauce! How many pizzas do you need?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Little old lady, you don't need to yodel about it. Yodel who? Yodel who?
Phone: YEETED.
TikTok: DELETED.
Therapy: NEEDED.
Wife: BEATED.
Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?
Kid: Why?
Man: 'Cause they have a family plan.
Kid: Oh, then I need to switch phone services then.
Man: Why?
Kid: I'm an orphan.
Man: *laughs out loud* That's tough!
(You can tell the joke shortened by saying, "Why can't an orphan use Verizon? 'Cause they have a family plan.")
My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.
There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."
John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"
Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"
John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."
Why did the short person become a chef?
Because they could "microwave" dinner without needing a stool!