Need jokes

There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."

John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"

Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"

John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."

The sad thing is when they ride the scooters in Wal-Mart... Really, you declining to walk is what got your fat ass in that scooter to begin with... And damned if they aren't buying diet soda... Please... cull this shit... We don't need them in society... KFC is not a disease.

Yo mama so fat that when she took a selfie, she needed two phones.

The Emo kid was late to his flight, so he needed to cut to the chase.

Why don't orphans need parent approval for their wedding?

Because they never came home.

Your sister is so short, she needs to roll up her panties.

A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."

The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"

The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."

When Leicester City won the league in 2015/16, do you think there was a little lad in Africa running around with "Drinkwater" on his back, annoying the hell out of the locals?

What do you call a notorious special needs student with an extra chromosome?

The double trouble.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I need your peach, and I'll torture you with a speech.

Why do women need a pay rise? Isn't the glass ceiling high enough?

This is how to die soft 101.

Yo bro, you good? You need a hug?

What plate do you need to eat in a car? A license plate!

Why did your father go away?

'Cause he needs da milk.

Who needs sex when they have Valorant?

For sale: Wheelchair, one careful owner, no longer needed.

What stands on the side of the road and needs a lot of money to buy?

Billboard, did you think I was gonna say street walker?

Why does the orphan go to church? He needs someone to call father.

D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: Don't take drugs kids!

Me: My therapist says I need those to live.

D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: _escorts to school counselor_

Bro, my forehead is so big whenever I need to find something on it, I need the exact coordinates.