Need jokes

Yo mama so fat, she needs 500,000 calories a day to keep her fueled.

History teacher: "They had a temporary cure for the disease, but it would be years before they found a cure for life."

Student: "I need that."

I have special needs, and I was born with it.

Need an arch? I Noah guy.

I'm at school and this website isn't blocked, and I need help on who did 9/11?

Me in 2078 when the COVID-19 delta alpha theta beta cya layta alligayta nlgga chungus sussy deef clussy sussy bussy cunnybrap variant comes out and I need to stay in lockdown for another 2 years with my new mandated virus stopper buttplug 9000.

Aaaah, I really wish Stephen Hawking was an organ donor...

I really need some new parts to my go-kart.

You're so fat, you don't need internet because you're already worldwide.

Your face needs to be put in the trash so people don't need to suffer.

I wanted to hire a butler for my new mansion in downtown LA. As he arrived, he introduced himself and I discovered it was Ghostionel Pessi.

I asked him why is he working as a butler? He told me that “a big game is coming up so he needs to refine his bottleling skills.” DAMN PESSI!

Hello, This is Jimmy from Jimmy's Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic! Your next loss is our next sauce! How many pizzas do you need?

You’re so short, you must need a ladder to reach your advice and dreams.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

'Cause 7 8 9.

But why did 7 eat 9?

'Cause you need 3 square meals a day :D

Why can't orphans go to school? They need their parents to sign them up.

I made a website to support orphans.

It just needs a home page.

What would Earth say if it had a boyfriend?

You need to com-it.

I was talking to a Muslim yesterday, and he asked me what it's like to be blind.

I happened to tell him about 20 jokes; in fact, I was working on my twentieth. So I answered with, "At least I don't have to screw in light bulbs. It's not like I need the damn things anyway."

Stephen is lucky he doesn’t need a vibrator.

He’s got himself.

I needed to take a phone call, so I went to the nearest exit. I guess you can say it was very exciting! 😂

Me: Why did the bus drop his ice cream?

Sanity to live: I don't know?

Me: He was run over by Timmy!!!

Sanity to live? *dies*

Me: *At edge of bridge* Wow, sweet view.

Sanity to live: *resurrected*

Narrator: Sometimes a bridge is all you need...

(sponsored by jumping bridges)