Nail jokes
What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
The picture gets hung with one nail, not two.
I'm always hanging in there.
Hanging on the wall.
I bought myself the life-sized Jesus painting off of Amazon, and they had 4 nails within the pack. All I needed was 1.
What's better: nailing Jesus or getting nailed?
Depends on who's sucking.
Why do people think Jesus is going to come back? He wasn’t nailed to a fucking boomerang!
You smell dirty toenails and pigeon sex.
What is the difference between Jesus and the devil?
When the devil came to Earth, he was the one with the nail gun.
A dog was in the vet's waiting room and another dog asked, "What are you here for?"
"Well, my owner was looking under her bed for something while naked and I couldn't resist, so I mounted up and screwed her senseless."
"Oh, so you're here to get neutered?"
"Nah, I'm just getting my nails clipped."
Jesus can’t judge gay people, because he got nailed before he died.
So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.
I wish I had emo nails,
So they could cut themselves.
Q: Why doesn't Jesus play hockey?
A: He hates getting nailed to the boards.
Are you Jesus? Because I want to nail you.
What did Jesus say when they removed the nails from his hands?
"Feet! Feet!"
Kobe Bryant never missed a shot.
But he nailed that mountain.
Why was Jesus Christ cut from the hockey team?
He kept getting nailed to the boards.
What do you get when you put a baby in a box filled with glass and nails and push it down the stairs?
... A boner.
I’d like to be a One Direction poster because I want to be nailed to the wall by a teenage girl ;)
Cardi B has very long nails.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a plank of wood?
A plank of wood can take nails to the extremities without screaming.