My jokes

What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?

I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.

Attended my boss's funeral to pay my respects. On my way out, I leaned over his casket and whispered lightly, "Well, look who's thinking outside the box now."

Me when I find my sister's diary: oooooo!

My favorite place to make a bonfire? Orphanages, of course, silly!

POV: When the orphan kid goes to church and they have to swear on something.

The kid: "I swear on my... friends. Oh wait, I don't have any."

My phone is just like the Twin Towers; they got put in airplane mode.

how old are my girlfriends

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjBTsoYph48 oh and there my little sisters

I had a steering wheel down my pants, and I tell you what, it was driving my balls crazy!

What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler?

“Oh my god, put them back in the damn ovens! They’re so under-cooked they’re writing fucking diaries!”

I was walking down the hallway at my job when I saw a kid crying.

I asked him where his parents were, and he kept crying.

Man, I love working at the orphanage.

My brother tried to hit this guy with a plane and but hit the Twin Towers.

For my girlfriend and friends to chat :)

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to change the bulb and one to suck my dick.

Recently my baby did this:

🖕🏼👶🏼🖕🏼 🎽 👖

I told my fam a joke.

They all looked at me weird and one person even said, "I’m sorry!"

I was playing laser tag with my ex, but I (wink) didn't realize I had a real gun.

I thought I saw a cool sticker on my office window, then I realized it was getting bigger and bigger.

I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.

I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.

(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)

What do you call an autistic person? Names.

I'm autistic myself, so don't go crying in my comment section.

I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."