I was digging in my garden when I found this chest of gold coins.
I wanted to run inside to tell my wife what I found, but that's when I remembered why I was digging.
My Jokes
My wife wanted something that went from 0 to 80 very quickly.
So I brought her a new bathroom scale.
I finally asked my deadbeat dad what makes him happy. His answer? He hasn't gotten back to me.
What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.
My Chinese friend died recently, So Yung.
My 2 year old Asian baby cant do calculus Look who in sweatshop now
If you scanned my thigh, it would show up as a package of Oreos on the screen.
My dad never came back with the milk. My mom told me he's in the army.
My mom has a toy that I see all the girls and guys seem to play with, and the toy is between my mom's legs.
As a brother, I have to report my sister has a few new symptoms that are going around, and those symptoms are that she has big titties, a sweet pussy, and a great personality.
Roses are red. The sun isn't shining. My mental state is rapidly declining.
My dog is a genius... I asked him what is two minus two, he said nothing.
Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.
My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.
My mom told me a joke about boxing.
I guess I missed the punch line.
My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Someone on here said it previously:
My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather. That is until my mom took the urn away from me.
My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and went right.
