My jokes

Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.

I heard guns kill people, so I gave up my right to own one.

Then I heard dicks rape people, so I chopped it off.

The doctor told me my temperature was exactly 98.6 degrees. I felt relieved until he said, “Celsius.”

What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can’t be found.

So you decide one day to ask your son if he wants to f**k, do you do it for 3 hours, then you realize how will I explain another pregnancy to my sterile husband?

Why is my plane delayed?

Because someone hit the Sears Tower.

I used to look up to my mom, but now that I am 12, I look down on her.

Roses are red, The forest is bushy, OMG did you just cum in my pussy?

"I’m going through a lot of things right now," I said frustratedly to the person on the line as I crashed straight through the next building in my car.

Thank the Lord for my two huge balls!

Me: I have lost it.

Random: Lost what?

Me: My will to live.

Yo, hairline is as accurate as my jump shot.

I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said, "Never mind."

I traded my sister for a slice of pizza. Damn, that pizza was good!

I don't like Roblox Adopt Me. It reminds me of my past.

I was shocked when I found out my toaster was not waterproof.

My teacher says no phones allowed. I say my phone is allowed because I’m nobody, Dania.

I saw my sister sucking a big toe.

I am the ice cream man running over fat kids with my van. If you touch my van, I’ll smack you in the face with a frying pan. If you steal ice cream, I’ll shoot you in the face with a fudge machine.

The teacher asks, "Who is a Trump fan?" Everyone in the class, wanting to be liked by their teacher, all put their hands up, except for Little Johnny. The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, why are you being different again?" Little Johnny says, "Because I'm not a Trump fan." The teacher asks, "Why are you not a Trump fan?" and Little Johnny says, "Because my dad's a democrat and my mum's a democrat so I'm a democrat." And then his teacher says, "So if your dad was an idiot and your mum was a moron, what would that make you?" And Little Johnny replies, "A Trump fan."