My jokes
What did the woman say to Michael Jackson at the beach?
"Excuse me, sir, you're in my son."
"Are you my homework? Because I want to slam you on my desk and do you all night."
This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.
I went to the store because I had to go to school to run up downstairs because my phone started calling me because I was playing Mario Kart on my kitchen sink's baby grandma, like if you cry every time.
What is the difference between me and cancer?
My mom did beat cancer.
A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.
The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.
Me in 2078 when the COVID-19 delta alpha theta beta cya layta alligayta nlgga chungus sussy deef clussy sussy bussy cunnybrap variant comes out and I need to stay in lockdown for another 2 years with my new mandated virus stopper buttplug 9000.
Hey, I just found out my toaster is waterproof! :D
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?
I care when my computer crashes.
My dad died in 9/11, and that was the second worst thing that happened to me with a plane, next to Soul Plane.
One day I woke up and went on my phone. Some "pussy" was calling me. I answered it and said, "Hello, pussy?" and a pussy pic showed up.
Your life literally is as valuable as a summer ant. I'm just gonna stomp you, you're gonna keep coming back, I'm gonna seal up all my cracks, you're gonna keep coming back, why? Cause you keep smelling the syrup, you worthless bitchass nlgga! You're gonna stay on my dick until you die. You serve no purpose in life, your purpose in life is to be on my stream sucking on my dick daily. Your purpose in life is to be in that chat blowing a dick daily. Your life is nothing, you serve ZERO purpose. You should kill yourself, NOW! And give somebody else a piece of that oxygen and ozone layer that's covered up so we can breathe inside this blue trapped bubble. Cause what are you here for? To worship me? Kill yourself! I mean that with a hundred percent with a thousand percent.
"My parents are dead, lol," said the orphan.
I have a new joke.
My life. Wait... jokes are supposed to have meaning.
"Joe Biden's mom is so fat, she's very fat folks, she's so fat I'm gonna use her to build my new wall"-Trump
What does my dad and the Twin Towers have in common? They used to be with us, now it's just a sensitive topic.
Hi, my name is Moo, what is your name? Moo.
Orphan: I dip my Oreos in water.
Me: Why?
Orphan: Because my dad did not come back with the milk.
Thanks for the birthday wishes. It's been an odd one this year, as some of you know, my father suddenly passed away on my birthday last year, and anyone who knew the old man knew he had a sledgehammer wit!
Good on ya dad, ya definitely got the last laugh!
My sister said I was only allowed to grate cheese, so I said to her that I’d prove her wrong.
The next day my mum asked me why my cheese was tan, and I said it was my own special recipe. My mum loved the cheese but she didn’t like it much after the funeral.