Mother jokes

Why did the orphan cross the road?

He thought he saw his mother.

Spy: Hahaha.

Me: What?

Spy: Time to pick up your mother.

Me: Oh no....

Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.

Your hairline is so long that your mother could not brush your hair.

Are you a marry, because you are my mother?

You want to get her pregnant before marriage to know if she's fertile, so why not marry a single mother that already has proof?

Yo momma's an ICE agent!

Your momma is so slutty, they hired her as a condom tester.

Once you've had the mother,

Don't tell me you've never been tempted to do the daughter.

Some rules of childhood cricket:

1. Whose bat, his batting.

2. Mother called to go while fielding. Then the turn will not be missed.

3. If the Umpire's decision is not acceptable, the decision of the Spectator, Front Uncle, or Neighbor Aunt shall be final.

Why do orphans have 363 days in a year?

Because they have no Father's or Mother's days.

Your momma so slutty, she got banned from Heavy-R.

Your mum is so cool, she looks like a fridge. Quote: Jude Porters.

As soon as I saw your mom, my Premature Ejaculation went off.

I like it when your mom keeps on top of things.

(Male fantasy)

Yeah, on top of me on the living room carpet, snogging my face off.

Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."

Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."

Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."

Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."

My Mother: Wanna hear the song, "Chloe, your the one I want" on Pandora?

Me: No, I am tired of that song and I am annoyed by it.

Mom: Don't talk back to me like that, young lady.

Me: / someone else? - -gets silent in da room-

Brother: Yeah, this song is very annoying, but maybe better than the Chelsea song.

Joke is here now what do you do if you hear the name Chloe?

My wife is so ugly when she was born, the doctor said, "I did everything I could, but she pulled through anyways." When she was born, the doctor hung himself with the umbilical cord. He pushed her back in, said, "Not done." The doctor slapped her mother. The doctor looked at her and said, "Twins!" He didn't know what end to slap. He threw her away and kept the afterbirth.

Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.

"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."

"Oh, cool."

"This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."

"Makes sense."

"This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."

"Where’s Trump’s clock?"

"Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."

And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.

Your mother.