Mother jokes
One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"
I've heard stories of my mother. She was a teenager and left me in the blender, but luckily the power cut out, like at the orphanage.
When you were born your mother said, "Oh, what a treasure!" Your father said, "Yeah, let’s go bury it."
Spy: Hahaha.
Me: What?
Spy: Time to pick up your mother.
Me: Oh no....
Why did the orphan cross the road?
He thought he saw his mother.
"Yo mama so... Wait... Whose mother am I speaking of?"
What’s the difference between a mother and a girlfriend?
A girlfriend likes a bad boy.
Why do orphans have 363 days in a year?
Because they have no Father's or Mother's days.
Your momma so slutty, she got banned from Heavy-R.
Yo momma's an ICE agent!
Your mum is so cool, she looks like a fridge. Quote: Jude Porters.
Your momma is so slutty, they hired her as a condom tester.
As soon as I saw your mom, my Premature Ejaculation went off.
I like it when your mom keeps on top of things.
(Male fantasy)
Yeah, on top of me on the living room carpet, snogging my face off.
Once you've had the mother,
Don't tell me you've never been tempted to do the daughter.
Some rules of childhood cricket:
1. Whose bat, his batting.
2. Mother called to go while fielding. Then the turn will not be missed.
3. If the Umpire's decision is not acceptable, the decision of the Spectator, Front Uncle, or Neighbor Aunt shall be final.
You want to get her pregnant before marriage to know if she's fertile, so why not marry a single mother that already has proof?
Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."
Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."
Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."
Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."
When Sally was little, she came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, I can't believe it! Little John collects Pimmel at school."
Mom: "No?"
"Like in heaven?" said the mother.
"No, juice," Sally said.
Danny just bought a new game from Steam for a penny.
About one hour later, Danny asks his mother: "Mom, I am not able to start the game."
Mom asked, "Why?"
Danny answers: "It says 'Press any key' on the screen, but I can't find an 'Any' button on my keyboard."