Mother jokes

I read the joke "what we breathe is called oxygen, that is African food" to my African friend, but he is breathing in tears from his mother dying of hunger...

Bully: Shut up, motherfucker!

Me: Well, stop talking to me and I won't have to keep fucking your mother.

What do the initials "MAD" stand for?

Mothers Against Democrats.

Q: Why did Hitler shoot himself?

A: Because his mother taught him to take out the trash.

I call this my great talk with Siri.

Me: Hey Siri, give me a "yo mama" joke.

Siri: My mother? Huh?

Me: Did I stutter?

Siri: Interesting question.

Me: It wasn’t a question.

Siri: I’m not sure I understand?

Me: You should understand.

Siri: Hmm... Is there something else I can help with?

Me: No, you b***.

I took my mother-in-law out today...

I love being a sniper.

Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.

Mama milky?

Are you a marry, because you are my mother?

Your hairline is so long that your mother could not brush your hair.

What did Helen Keller's mother do to her when she was mad at her?

She left the plunger in the toilet, she put doorknobs on all the walls, and she rearranged the furniture.

Mother: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you follow?

Me: Leads a marching parade off the Golden Gate Bridge.

How does a hillbilly mother know when her daughter is on her period? Her son’s dick tastes like blood.

Why do orphans miss Mother’s Day? Because they don’t have a mother to give to!

Yo mama so scary that the monsters have to look under the bed for her.

Yo mama so ugly that the monsters thought that she was their mother.

1273. My mother does not love me, nor does anyone, and my family doesn't either.

Peter: Curses!

Jacob: Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

Peter: *Crying*

Jacob: Why are you crying?

Jacob: Whatever. *Leaves orphanage*

Orphanage kid: You’re ugly!

Kid with mother: Your mom!

Dad: Alive.

Brother: Orphan (fault=Mother).

Me: Dead on the inside but sadly alive.

Mother: Alive...

Wait a minute... I thought you were dead, Mom... Right, you're dead to me at least.

When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.

Turns out, I'm just a burden.