Mother: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you follow?
Me: Leads a marching parade off the Golden Gate Bridge.
Mother Jokes
How does a hillbilly mother know when her daughter is on her period? Her son’s dick tastes like blood.
Mama milky?
I've heard stories of my mother. She was a teenager and left me in the blender, but luckily the power cut out, like at the orphanage.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out, I'm just a burden.
I'M NOT
Dad: Alive.
Brother: Orphan (fault=Mother).
Me: Dead on the inside but sadly alive.
Mother: Alive...
Wait a minute... I thought you were dead, Mom... Right, you're dead to me at least.
I took my mother-in-law out today...
I love being a sniper.
One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"
"Yo mama so... Wait... Whose mother am I speaking of?"
Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."
Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."
Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."
Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."
Some rules of childhood cricket:
1. Whose bat, his batting.
2. Mother called to go while fielding. Then the turn will not be missed.
3. If the Umpire's decision is not acceptable, the decision of the Spectator, Front Uncle, or Neighbor Aunt shall be final.
Explain bear still lives in his mother's basement.
You want to get her pregnant before marriage to know if she's fertile, so why not marry a single mother that already has proof?
Spy: Hahaha.
Me: What?
Spy: Time to pick up your mother.
Me: Oh no....
Why did the orphan cross the road?
He thought he saw his mother.
When you were born your mother said, "Oh, what a treasure!" Your father said, "Yeah, let’s go bury it."
What’s the difference between a mother and a girlfriend?
A girlfriend likes a bad boy.
Once you've had the mother,
Don't tell me you've never been tempted to do the daughter.
I like it when your mom keeps on top of things.
(Male fantasy)
Yeah, on top of me on the living room carpet, snogging my face off.
As soon as I saw your mom, my Premature Ejaculation went off.
