Mother jokes

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday.

God being a sniper is so fun!

Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar?

They don’t have fathers or Mother’s Day.

Never got a mother's love, lol.

I call this my great talk with Siri.

Me: Hey Siri, give me a "yo mama" joke.

Siri: My mother? Huh?

Me: Did I stutter?

Siri: Interesting question.

Me: It wasn’t a question.

Siri: I’m not sure I understand?

Me: You should understand.

Siri: Hmm... Is there something else I can help with?

Me: No, you b***.

Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."

Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."

Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."

Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."

As soon as I saw your mom, my Premature Ejaculation went off.

Yo momma's an ICE agent!

I like it when your mom keeps on top of things.

(Male fantasy)

Yeah, on top of me on the living room carpet, snogging my face off.

Once you've had the mother,

Don't tell me you've never been tempted to do the daughter.

Your mum is so cool, she looks like a fridge. Quote: Jude Porters.

Your momma is so slutty, they hired her as a condom tester.

Mother: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you follow?

Me: Leads a marching parade off the Golden Gate Bridge.

Some rules of childhood cricket:

1. Whose bat, his batting.

2. Mother called to go while fielding. Then the turn will not be missed.

3. If the Umpire's decision is not acceptable, the decision of the Spectator, Front Uncle, or Neighbor Aunt shall be final.

You want to get her pregnant before marriage to know if she's fertile, so why not marry a single mother that already has proof?

How does a hillbilly mother know when her daughter is on her period? Her son’s dick tastes like blood.

What did Helen Keller's mother do to her when she was mad at her?

She left the plunger in the toilet, she put doorknobs on all the walls, and she rearranged the furniture.

Are you a marry, because you are my mother?

Your hairline is so long that your mother could not brush your hair.

Orphanage kid: You’re ugly!

Kid with mother: Your mom!

Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.