Mother jokes

Peter: Curses!

Jacob: Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

Peter: *Crying*

Jacob: Why are you crying?

Jacob: Whatever. *Leaves orphanage*

What did Helen Keller's mother do to her when she was mad at her?

She left the plunger in the toilet, she put doorknobs on all the walls, and she rearranged the furniture.

Are you a marry, because you are my mother?

Your hairline is so long that your mother could not brush your hair.

Mother: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you follow?

Me: Leads a marching parade off the Golden Gate Bridge.

How does a hillbilly mother know when her daughter is on her period? Her son’s dick tastes like blood.

Mama milky?

I've heard stories of my mother. She was a teenager and left me in the blender, but luckily the power cut out, like at the orphanage.

When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.

Turns out, I'm just a burden.

Dad: Alive.

Brother: Orphan (fault=Mother).

Me: Dead on the inside but sadly alive.

Mother: Alive...

Wait a minute... I thought you were dead, Mom... Right, you're dead to me at least.

I took my mother-in-law out today...

I love being a sniper.

One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"

"Yo mama so... Wait... Whose mother am I speaking of?"

Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."

Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."

Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."

Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."

Some rules of childhood cricket:

1. Whose bat, his batting.

2. Mother called to go while fielding. Then the turn will not be missed.

3. If the Umpire's decision is not acceptable, the decision of the Spectator, Front Uncle, or Neighbor Aunt shall be final.

Explain bear still lives in his mother's basement.

You want to get her pregnant before marriage to know if she's fertile, so why not marry a single mother that already has proof?

Spy: Hahaha.

Me: What?

Spy: Time to pick up your mother.

Me: Oh no....

Why did the orphan cross the road?

He thought he saw his mother.

When you were born your mother said, "Oh, what a treasure!" Your father said, "Yeah, let’s go bury it."