My grandpa told me I was too dependent on devices. I told him he was a hypocrite and unplugged him from his life support.
Morbid Jokes
Why is Afghanistan good at chess? They take the rooks out fast.
What is the biggest fear of an American soldier taking a piss in a bush during the Vietnam war? His manhood will be chopped off.
After the drive-by, Tupac became known as Pewpac.
What do you call an Iraqi swimming in the water?
A bath bomb.
What do you call a non-binary person that is lactose intolerant?
Non-buy dairy.
What's a Parkinson's victim's least favorite song?
Taylor Swift - "Shake it Off".
What's the difference between an Afghan kindergarten and a military target?
The drone guy didn't know either.
It's not a joke.
I broke up with my girlfriend and stole her wheelchair.
Guess who likes vegetables now?
What's the difference between saying "bloody" in America and in the U.K.?
In the U.K., it's a swear word.
In America, it's a family reunion.
Why is the UK bad at chess? Because they already lost their queen.
Americans: Miles per hour.
Europeans: Bullets per kid...
What do you call a bowling ball that falls from the sky and knocks down all the bowling pins?
An airstrike.
Osama Bin Laden is his name.
Crashing planes is his game.
How did Protestants perform in the 16th century? Well done.
I have a huge thought: if Satan punishes people who are bad, doesn't that make him good?
What's black and white and read all over?
A newspaper.
What's black, white, black, white, red, white, black, red, black, then red all over?
A penguin falling down the stairs.
I banged a German chick one time. I tried anal and asked her to rate the experience. She kept yelling "9! 9! 9!"
Dad: Son, everyone in your class got COVID.
Son (in a happy tone): I know.
Dad: How do you know and why are you so glad?
Son: Well, yesterday you told me to spread positivity.
In preschool, I confessed my love to my crush, and she rejected me. As heartbroken as I was, I sucked it up and went back to teaching.
