I was digging in my garden when I found a treasure chest full of gold. I was about to run inside and tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging in my garden

Where did Lucy go during the bombing??

Everywhere!!!

My mom said to let Jesus come inside me now i can’t sit down

Why Am I Happy? I’m Dead

What does santa say about my mom? HO HO HO

What’s Yellow and Can’t Swim?

A school bus full of kids drowning

I love working with animals, especially when I get to hear their cries of help.

I named my dog 5 miles so when I walk him I can say I walked 5 miles random guy: I ran over 5 miles

What I yellow but can’t swim?

A school bus full of children

what does a deaf person do when they hear people scream? I don’t know its not like they’re gonna hear it anyway.

Follow me on instagram: @Lavderi

Q. whats the difference between people and a toilet A. niether does r kelly

a dark joke is like a kid with cancer. it never gets old. I AM SO SORRY

Dad: how was your trip to the park? Daughter: it was good until the man came along. Dad: gasps whatever happened, it wasn’t your fault, but tell Daddy, what happened? Daughter: he made my friends go away so it was just me and him… then he took my dress off… Dad: oh God, what next? Daughter: Nothing, that was it. Dad: oh, come on! that wasn’t exciting, make something up!

I don’t understand the plane crash at 9/11. my dad was a great pilot!

What’s black and white

History

Your walking on the street when you realised that your in the road as you feel the horn dying away.

I comforted my friend about his wife’s death: until I found out who did it.

3 nuns are talking and the first nun says, “u would never believe what i discovered.” intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. " i found a phone in the priests room." said the first nun. “oh thats nothing said the second one, i found condoms in one of his drawers.” said the second one. " what did u do with them." said the first nun. pridefully the second nun responds with," i poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, “oh sh*t…”