say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they don’t shoot up schools.

Dark humor is just like food, not everybody gets it.

What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard? Reload…chhchhhh


“One silent evening, a man walks to his fridge to get some food. He sets out a fork and napkin on the table. He reaches to grab a salad topped with olives and cheese. He sets the food down on the table and begins to add tomatoes, condiments, and…“ He is interrupted. “Why are you saying this aloud?” A young boy asks his father. The father replies with, “You wanted to know how to live on your own. But I guess experience is more helpful,” he says as he rushes the child out of the front door.

Why did Helen Keller burn her hands? Because she was trying to read the waffle iron.

What is yellow and can’t swim?

A schoolbus full of children

Kid:what is between moms legs? Dad:paridise. Kid whats between you legs? Dad:the key to paridise. Kid:well uou better change the lock the neighbor has the key to.

Poopies in my undies

What’s the difference between a pile of corpses and a Mclaren P1?

I don’t have a garage

What’s the difference between hitler and logan paul? At least hitler had respect for the japanese!

A 60 year old man is walking along a deserted road with a 12 year old boy. It’s getting dark, and the boy says “Hey mister, it’s getting dark and I’m scared”. The man replies, “You’re scared? I’ve got to walk back to town alone”.

Whats the point of hiding the screaming speedbump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming B:Make it look like an actually speed bump and C:… You think its Hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jill could wack off Jack, Jill yelled out Jack, where is your sack? Said I’m not Jack I’m your friend Nancy

Jack and Jill went up the hill for drunkin’ wild sex, Jack went by Jill to get a lick, and watched Jill get off on a stick

Jack and Jill went up the hill both had Bacardi rum, when Jill’s was gone she wanted Jacks that’s why she took it from him

Jack and Jill went up the hill 'cause Jack took a viagra, Jill was drunk fell to her knee, Jack had his chance did Jill till 3

Jack and Jill went up the hill to start to build the still for Jill, Jack stopped and said to drunkin’ Jill to build this still will take so long, Jill said to Jack well F—k the still and kiss my ass, and watch me take another pill.