How did the chicken get to the other side? He crossed the road and didn’t make it.

Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of “antiperspirant,” I read “antidepressant.” At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes

r u a toaster? cuz i wanna take a bath wit u r u a knife? cuz u make me wanna kms r u a painting? cuz i hang u r u the flu? cuz u make me wanna hurl r u a newspaper? cuz u have new problems everyday r u the ground? cuz im six feet deep in u ;)

How do pedophiles follow the law?

They drive it slow in the school zone.

i was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden

what do you call a blonde in the freezer?Her parents named her Cindy so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow

A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says “God bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad.” The father says, “Good bye Grandad? Why is that?” The daughter says, “Just because I felt like it.” The next day, Grandad drops dead. The father can’t believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter’s prayers again. She says, “God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma.” The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, “Just because I felt like it.” The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn’t know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, “God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy.” The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn’t go home and stays there until midnight. He’s very surprised. ‘I’ve cheated death!’ he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, “Where have you been?!” and the husband says, “Oh don’t ask me any questions, today’s been miserable.” The wife replies, “Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch…”

Why did the chicken cross the road.

to get to the retards house.

knock knock who’s there

the chicken…

New civil war themed porn title: “Harriet Tubman gets hit with something other than an iron ingot”

Fuck it suicide is wrong but if you jump off a bridge and yell parkor its a failed stunt

Whats the Difference between acne and the Pope? Acne waits till your 13 to cum on your face

What’s a ton of white people running down a hill called? A avalanche. What’s a ton of black people running down a hill called. A mudslide. What’s a ton of Mexican people running down a hill called? Jailbreak

Why do the japanese hate Christmas???

Becasue the last time a Fat Man came down the chimney, they lost half their population

How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?

More than ten, apparently.

What’s big and yellow and can’t swim, a bus filled with children

i invited my friend with a vasectomy done for a party. unfortunately he couldnt come.

My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way it really ruined her birthday.

I went up to a priest and asked if he participated in NNN. He replied “How can I, with all these people calling me daddy?”

2 people are under the covers. The man says “Quote the Beatles: Cum together!”

A boy and girl are fucking. The girl yells “Senpai!” The boy smiles, pleased, but then her father walks in and says “What?”