Morbid jokes
Q. What is the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. The phrase "jump rope" means different things.
What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? -- Steven Hawking after a house fire.
Why don't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
After work, I volunteer to help blind children. Verb, not adjective.
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A vanilla shake.
If you watch "Jaws" backward, it will be a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to disabled people.
Never take a person canoeing or kayaking if they had a cerebrovascular accident.
They’ll hear the one word they hate the most: “STROKE, STROKE, STROKE!”
I tried making an orphan baseball team. It sucked because they couldn’t find home plate.
A is for apple, B is for dyslexia—oh wait, no! That’s D!
My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."
So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.
What do Logan Paul, KSI, and the Japanese suicide victim have in common?
Tying.
A feminist walks into a bar. Her friend says, "Oh my god, your shoulders are broad!" Another woman says, "Are you sure it's a woman?"
Ever heard of a reverse exorcism? It’s when the Devil tells the priest to exit the child’s body.
A starving homeless kid asks me for food.
I said, "sorry, my plate is full."
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoes?
White vans.
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is a refreshing summertime snack; the other one is a watermelon.
My therapist said time heals all wounds. I stabbed him. Now we wait...
Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin off and eat them, they die.
Q. What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. One has a functioning neck.
I went to a sleepover at my best friend's house. He lives with his grandpa and little brother, his mom and dad. His little brother likes to run around the house naked sometimes. I can't help but notice his grandpa always looks up when he does.