Whats the benefit of taking a depressed kid to the store
Scan the wrist and you might get a discount
What’s the only time you can do almost whatever you want
When you have a gun in you hand
Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head
-JFK
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
Your at your girlfriends house for a family dinner. Your GF says, " Daddy please pass me the salt." when you and her father begin to reach for the salt.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed but you only have 2 bullets left, what do you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
I do t get why cancer is so hard to beat. I’m already on stage 4
What's the difference between my dad and a hooker?
Hookers come back.
I don't understand why in horror movies they make digging a grave look so easy, It usually takes me days
I like my women like my cigars: smuggled in from Cuba in a sack.
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said: "I have good news and bad news." The wife said: "What's the good news? "We managed to save his arm." "What's the bad news?" "We couldn't save the rest of him."
30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way the first lady she was obsessed with her looks so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish the next person didn't know what to wish for so they wish for the same thing the guy in the very back was laughing having a grand old time then god got to the person before the last he aaid the same he wished to be beautiful when God got to the last person he said I want them all to be ugly again.
I did a bunjee jump for charity recently. It was called spastics on elastics
What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?
At least one does something when it is triggered.
Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense. Baby we didn’t spend all that time in the closet for nothing.
I started beating my washing machine beacause it wasn't working, my wife started crying.
Why is the leaning tower of Pizza leaning?
It has better reflexes than the twin towers.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it Leaves and never comes back
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
