Morbid jokes

What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? -- Steven Hawking after a house fire.

I was going to go hunting but then I realized, schools are closed due to covid.

We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!

What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?

Showing them the ropes.

So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."

Rules of Dark humor:

1. All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits.

2. No saying "Me" or "My Life" as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes.

3. Don't Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that.

I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site.

- Sincerely, Zane

What's a lesbian's favorite sport? Dodgeball.

How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.

What's the best haircut?

Chemotherapy.

If you watch "Jaws" backward, it will be a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to disabled people.

What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident?

An amputation.

Money and my mom are kinda the same thing; they come and leave easily.

I like my women like I like my coffee.

Dark, rich, and imported.

How do you stop a baby from drowning?

-Lift up your foot.

I have a fish that can breakdance!

Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

My grandpa may be a pedo, but at least he slows down in the school car park.

God creating cats.

GOD: Make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of.

ANGEL: Ok.......................................anything else?

GOD: YES, PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!

What’s the opposite of an exorcism?

It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.

How do you get bubblegum out of your hair?

Cancer.

If a white cop had a black dick, would he beat it to death?