Morbid jokes

Why did Timmy throw the clock out the window?

It reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man convicted of knife raping his wife.

Roses are red, your mother has said, "Come back again, and you'll be dead!"

I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.

It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.

Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because it's extinct.

Why can't dinosaurs clap?

'Cause they are dead.

A girl called me ugly.

So I drove over her with a car and called her flat.

What's a rapist's favorite scale?

C Minor.

Break a wine glass: I give you bad luck for a year.

Break a mirror: Funny wine glass, I give you bad luck for 7 years.

Breaking a condom: Haha so funny mirror.

I say 123, yeah, the kids bullied me, but they really don't know that my dad has a gun, yeah.

What did the boy say to the noose?

"Can you please tie me."

Why does Adam go hockey, you might ask?

In my opinion, he shouldn't go because he is bad, but he needs the armor to protect himself from his own step-dad.

A child was walking through the forest when a wolf jumped in front of him. The child saw that the wolf had no leg. He then became a terrorist and caused 9/11.

What’s the difference between football and rape?

Women don’t like football.

I was having sex with my girl, and she said she likes it rough, so I socked her in the face.

Santa said my mom was good... But she is on the naughty list.

What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?

An erection!

No, you!

Look at a bag of black grapes. See how dark they are? That’s how I like my men.

25 at a time.

I want coffee like my men.

Dark.