Morbid jokes
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
'Cause they are dead.
What's a rapist's favorite scale?
C Minor.
Break a wine glass: I give you bad luck for a year.
Break a mirror: Funny wine glass, I give you bad luck for 7 years.
Breaking a condom: Haha so funny mirror.
I say 123, yeah, the kids bullied me, but they really don't know that my dad has a gun, yeah.
Why does Adam go hockey, you might ask?
In my opinion, he shouldn't go because he is bad, but he needs the armor to protect himself from his own step-dad.
What did the boy say to the noose?
"Can you please tie me."
A child was walking through the forest when a wolf jumped in front of him. The child saw that the wolf had no leg. He then became a terrorist and caused 9/11.
What’s the difference between football and rape?
Women don’t like football.
I was having sex with my girl, and she said she likes it rough, so I socked her in the face.
Santa said my mom was good... But she is on the naughty list.
What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?
An erection!
No, you!
Look at a bag of black grapes. See how dark they are? That’s how I like my men.
25 at a time.
What's the difference between dementia and a strawberry?
I don't know. I forgot.
I want coffee like my men.
Dark.
What's the first thing that a battered woman does when she gets out of the shelter?
My last if she knows what's good for her.
Why did the frog cross the road?
To show his gang that he had guts.
What's the difference between a submarine and Madeline McCann?
They are both full of seamen and at the bottom of the sea.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A murderer.
A murderer who--
Is cut off by being murdered.
Why did the condom cross the road?
Because he was pissed off.