Morbid Jokes

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My dog kept chasing people on a bike. Eventually, it got so bad I had to take his bike away.

Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash

Best pilot in Saudi Arabia

If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave or does your mortician take it from you?

Where did sally go during the bombing? Everywhere

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3 nuns are talking and the first nun says, "u would never believe what i discovered." intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. " i found a phone in the priests room." said the first nun. "oh thats nothing said the second one, i found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. " what did u do with them." said the first nun. pridefully the second nun responds with," i poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "oh sh*t...."

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Hi, Welcome to Dave's Orphanage you make them we take them how may I help you?

What does NASA stand for? Need Another Seven Astronauts

What was the last thing to run through osama bin ladens mind? Probably a bullet.

What do you call a group of emos?

Suicide Squad.

How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?

Stab it twenty three times.

A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “She’s playing on the roof.”

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.

A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.

There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard, the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills." grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence." grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."