5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.
When you send nudes to your roblox gf and your uncle’s phone sounds with a text tone...
How do you throw a surprise party at a hospital?
Bring a strobe light into the epilepsy ward.
One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, "Just because you killed the butterfly, you don't get butter for a week." They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, "Nice try."
How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?
Stab it twenty three times.
Why do the japanese hate Christmas???
Becasue the last time a Fat Man came down the chimney, they lost half their population
If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave or does your mortician take it from you?
Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash
Best pilot in Saudi Arabia
What flour do you give a orphan
Self raising
Where did sally go during the bombing? Everywhere
How do you get an emo out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again
I named my dog 5 miles so when I walk him I can say I walked 5 miles random guy: I ran over 5 miles
Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.
What do you call a group of emos?
Suicide Squad.
There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard, the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills." grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence." grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."
My dad and I went to the hospital once, and he said he'd be fine and it'd only take a few minutes.
Lying bastard never came out.
A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.
What do you call a group of redneck superheroes?
The Inbredibles.
I love how in horror movies the person calls out, "Hello," as if the psycho will answer, "Hey, what's up, I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?"
