Did you know my grandpa was part of World War 2? He killed Hitler.
Two friends who’ve been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday. The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, “If she doesn’t like the card I got her, then she can go fuck herself!”
The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work…
He’s a suicide bomber.
Give a man a plane ticket and he’ll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
What mental illness do terrorists suffer from?
Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED)
what’s the difference between a feminist and suicide vest
a least one does something when it is triggered
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb? Must be more than 13, because my basement is still dark
A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, “If you’re happy and you know it…”
The room was full of arm amputees.
Q: how do you know when an asian broke into your house?
A: you can´t find your dog.
A boy walks up to a girl and says " i would tell you a joke about my dick but it’s too long" then the girl say’s " yeah, i would tell you a joke about my pussy but you’ll never get it."
I donated 100dollars to a blind children’s charity, to bad they won’t ever see a dime of it
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it Leaves and never comes back
I’d tell you a joke about unemployed people but none of them work.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his Whopper.
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
How to fall down stairs Step 1 Step 2 Step 6,7,8 9,10
20 years of sex in the dark the wife find out he was using a dildo the wife get angry and says ¨explain the dildo prick¨ the husband says ¨explain the children bitch
Man: whats up? Me: im annoyed Man: Why? Me: I stole my gf’s heart Man: So why are you annoyed? Me: Everyone else in the surgery room gave me weird looks
Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they’re all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there’s no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”
Who are the fastest readers?
911 victims. They went through 88 stories in 7 seconds.