Morbid jokes

Morbid Jokes

Spider

God creating spiders.

God: "Make it have 8 legs." Angel: "Ok? Bit excessive but ok." God: "And 8 eyes." Angel: "You need to calm down and li-" God: "Give it a butt rope!"

People

Q: Do you know why people don't like abortion jokes?

A: Because they leave people with a feeling of emptiness inside.

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  • Dad

    Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real.

    Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk.

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  • God

    Steven Hawking said there is no God,

    Then God said there is no Steven Hawking.

    Orphan

    If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

    Short jokes

    My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire

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  • Bath

    A little boy and a little girl are taking a bath together. The little girl looks down at the boy and says, "Can I touch it?" The little boy looks back at her and says, "Hell no, you already broke yours off!"

    Dad

    Teacher: Ok class, I'm going to ask a question about your family.

    Alex: Miss, my Dad died in 9/11.

    Teacher: OH NO, I'M SO SORRY!

    Alex: Don't worry miss. It was only Dad and besides, he did what he wanted before he died.

    Teacher: What was that?

    Alex: Flew the plane.

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  • Cheat

    How did Rihanna know that Chris Brown was cheating on her? There was a different color of lipstick on his knuckles.

    Prostate exam

    I go in to get a prostate exam. I'm nervous, but the doctor says it's all natural and needs to be done.

    So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside, feeling for abnormalities.

    That's when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.

    Punishment

    What did Stevie Wonder's mom do to punish him as a child?

    She rearranged all the furniture.

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