Morbid jokes
How many times does 43 go into 8?
Get in the van and find out.
What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.
God creating spiders.
God: "Make it have 8 legs." Angel: "Ok? Bit excessive but ok." God: "And 8 eyes." Angel: "You need to calm down and li-" God: "Give it a butt rope!"
how do you fit 4 gay guys on a stool?
you flip it over.
Q: Do you know why people don't like abortion jokes?
A: Because they leave people with a feeling of emptiness inside.
Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real.
Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk.
Steven Hawking said there is no God,
Then God said there is no Steven Hawking.
There's no "I" in team, but there is a "U" in cunt.
What does a wizard say when doing drugs? Injecto Patronum!
What do you call a group of redneck superheroes?
The Inbredibles.
My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Men wake up with a boner.
Women wake up yawning.
Coincidence?
A little boy and a little girl are taking a bath together. The little girl looks down at the boy and says, "Can I touch it?" The little boy looks back at her and says, "Hell no, you already broke yours off!"
I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.
Teacher: Ok class, I'm going to ask a question about your family.
Alex: Miss, my Dad died in 9/11.
Teacher: OH NO, I'M SO SORRY!
Alex: Don't worry miss. It was only Dad and besides, he did what he wanted before he died.
Teacher: What was that?
Alex: Flew the plane.
How did Rihanna know that Chris Brown was cheating on her? There was a different color of lipstick on his knuckles.
What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common?
I don't care if she has one.
When you send her a dick pic, but then she sends you one right back...
What's the difference between a shooter and a bullied autistic kid? It depends on who's shooting.