Morbid Jokes

What does NASA stand for? Need Another Seven Astronauts

If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

To become a licensed, airline pilot requires 1,500 hours (two years) of training. But it only takes 10 seconds to steal the pilot’s jacket and hat.

What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.

Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk

how do you fit 4 gay guys on a stool

you flip it over

A teaher gives her kindergarden students four flavors of live savers and they have to guess the flavors the students guess cherry lime and orange. They dont know th last flavor. So the teacher gives them and hint and say its what your parents call each other. [honey] But a little girl shouts and says “ OMG there assholes.

I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.

Steven Hawking said there is no God, Then God said there is no Steven Hawking

3 nuns are talking and the first nun says, "u would never believe what i discovered." intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. " i found a phone in the priests room." said the first nun. "oh thats nothing said the second one, i found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. " what did u do with them." said the first nun. pridefully the second nun responds with," i poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "oh sh*t...."

What does a wizard say when doing drugs? Injecto Patronum!

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.

A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “She’s playing on the roof.”