How many times does 43 go into 8?
Get in the van and find out.
How many times does 43 go into 8?
Get in the van and find out.
God creating spiders.
God: "Make it have 8 legs." Angel: "Ok? Bit excessive but ok." God: "And 8 eyes." Angel: "You need to calm down and li-" God: "Give it a butt rope!"
What flour do you give an orphan?
Self-raising.
how do you fit 4 gay guys on a stool?
you flip it over.
Q: Do you know why people don't like abortion jokes?
A: Because they leave people with a feeling of emptiness inside.
Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real.
Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk.
What do you call a group of redneck superheroes?
The Inbredibles.
There's no "I" in team, but there is a "U" in cunt.
Steven Hawking said there is no God,
Then God said there is no Steven Hawking.
What does a wizard say when doing drugs? Injecto Patronum!
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.
My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire
A little boy and a little girl are taking a bath together. The little girl looks down at the boy and says, "Can I touch it?" The little boy looks back at her and says, "Hell no, you already broke yours off!"
Men wake up with a boner.
Women wake up yawning.
Coincidence?
When you send her a dick pic, but then she sends you one right back...
Teacher: Ok class, I'm going to ask a question about your family.
Alex: Miss, my Dad died in 9/11.
Teacher: OH NO, I'M SO SORRY!
Alex: Don't worry miss. It was only Dad and besides, he did what he wanted before he died.
Teacher: What was that?
Alex: Flew the plane.
How did Rihanna know that Chris Brown was cheating on her? There was a different color of lipstick on his knuckles.
I go in to get a prostate exam. I'm nervous, but the doctor says it's all natural and needs to be done.
So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside, feeling for abnormalities.
That's when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.
What did Stevie Wonder's mom do to punish him as a child?
She rearranged all the furniture.