Morbid jokes

I was gonna tell a baby joke, but I had to abort.

Q: What’s a good thing about child molesters?

A: They drive slow through school zones.

how do you fit 4 gay guys on a stool?

you flip it over.

Why is it that when I'm in school doing PE, it's fine for someone to say "boys against girls", but the moment I say "blacks against whites" I'm the bad guy?

No one has my back like my dad.

I like the iceberg... my favorite character was the iceberg!

One day, a child walks along and asks, "Mother, why am I called Butterfly?"

The mother replies, "A butterfly landed on you as a baby."

A minute later, another child comes along and says, "Mother, why am I called Feather?"

The mother then replied, "Because a feather fell on your head when you were born."

Then Brick comes along and says, "Ahahhsdjsjskxs."

A young, innocent little girl is playing hopscotch, and she says, "You step on a crack, you break your mama's back." Then she steps on a crack, so her mother's back proceeded to break slowly. Then she said, "You step on a line, you break your dada's spine," but the neighbor's spine broke, and in happiness, the thought-to-be previous father gets in his car and drives through the garage door...

So there's an orphan in a hospital, and the doctor walks up and says, "Sorry, kid, but this is a family hospital."

If you're sleeping, and you fall in your dream, you may have died, and the angels dropped you.

Or you don't wake up, and you were on your way to hell.

China should be a baseball team because they can take out the whole world with just a bat.

So anyway, this old guy goes to the doctors. The doctor says, "It's bad news, you've got cancer and Alzheimer's." The old guy replies, "At least I've not got cancer!"

If a man kills a kid, it's called Murder.

If a woman kills a kid, it's called Reproductive Rights.

Did you know that the Royal family like carnivals?

Princess Diana was really fond of bumper cars.

A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.

One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."

Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."

Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"

All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"

The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."

Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.

Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.

The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.

The son comes outside and steps on a crack.

The dad then dies in a car crash.

I was going to tell a dead baby joke...

I decided to abort.

How many fingers am I holding up?

Said the suicide bomber, referring to the countdown.

What's similar between a fetus and a failed mission?

You abort it.

what's the difference between hitler and you?

one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.