Funny thing happened today, my dad came home from work which is weird cause he’s a suicide bomber.
Morbid Jokes
What is the pedophile's favorite shoe?
White vans.
What do you call sex in the World Trade Center?
An inside job.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?
She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!
Welcome to David's Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!
When you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove, but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders.
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
They taste funny.
The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"
Why did Steven Hawking only tell one-liners?
Because he couldn't do standup.
You know why orphans like boomerangs?
Because they come back, unlike their parents.
Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.
Why did Hitler kill himself?
His gas bill was too high.
After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years.
But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!
I started crying when dad was cutting onions.
Onions was such a good dog.
Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
Beneath this monumental stone Lise, 80 pounds of skin and bone.
A man was taking a child into a dark forest.
The child said, "I'm scared!"
The man replied, "Well I have to walk home alone."
What do cannibals call pregnant women? A kinder surprise.
How do stars die? Usually a overdose in an airport.
So I got my son a trampoline for Christmas this year, and he was so ungrateful, like he just sat there crying in his wheelchair. What has this world come to?
