Mom's jokes

Me: I have a dream.

Mom: What?

Me: For you to fucking shut up.

What do you call multiple quintuplets that look the same?

Naruto's mom.

Mom! (DYM 48)

One day a mom who looked like a pig broke the car down.

Mom! (DYM 3)

Mom!

Q: What do you call a tsunami?

A: Your mom's water breaking.

My mom said that I don't listen to homophones, but then I said, "No, I listen to headphones."

What did the mom say to the baby?

Connor: Hi Mom.

Mom:

Connor: I forgot I'm adopted to 2 dads!

Mom, why was I adopted?

Because people are terrible, and that’s how the world works, son!

Ok, Dad, the world is TERRIBLE!

I said, "Are you half left or half right?"

"Neither! In-between."

"What?! In between your mom's tits when you go to sleep with her at night?"

Your mom smells so bad she could stun a horse in a field.

Your mom was absolutely getting drilled by me on the living room floor last night.

My bully to his mom after getting "cooked" by me: "Mama, I can't find my hairline!"

My bully. 😭

My friend's mom once told me that when Trump was elected president, she said to my friend: "Hey look, an orange became president. We got an orange as a president before a girl as president."

I hate "the woke" so much, I got mad when my mom said I "woke" up late for school.

As soon as I saw your mom, my Premature Ejaculation went off.

I like it when your mom keeps on top of things.

(Male fantasy)

Yeah, on top of me on the living room carpet, snogging my face off.

Your mom is the biggest tosser on the planet, yeah, you heard right.

I don't have to strain myself a blood vessel and be wankin' solo anymore; she saved me a whole load of arthritis.