Mom's jokes

If life was like Pacific Rim, I'd say your mom's pussy was a category 5.

So my mom said, "Did you do your homework?" Well, I say yes, and in the hour, I yelled, "This is fake, not real!" 😅😅😅

I'm going to your mom's house. Can you help me, planet?

Your mom, bro! XD Roasted! Lmfaoooooooooo!

Last night I had a dream of lead, but your mom won't let me tell you.

Your Mom tells you to take out the trash, and the next day the Police are asking if you bombed the School.

Your mom so ugly that Paul Walker died.

Your mom is ugly.

My mom was poor, so we had nothing to eat. I slept on the floor, but now I'm rich, rich, rich 😜

Did you hear about the pervert who couldn't decide whether he was into incest or necrophilia?

He killed his mom and then fucked her.

The person I hate: Omg, my mom and dad just died.

Me: Omg, I am so sorry, don't worry.

The person I hate: I have a boyfriend.

Me: Well, I have a mom and dad.

The person I hate: Rood.

Me: Shut up.

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work, not aware that her 9-year-old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.

Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "That's my dad outside." Man: "How much did you say the baseball was again?" Boy: "$250."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball glove." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "I think I just remembered something I needed to tell my dad." Man: "How much did you say the glove was again?" Boy: "$750." Man: "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!" The boy says, "I can't. I sold them." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The son says, "$1,000." The father says, "It's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Do not start that shit again!"

One day, Little Johnny needs to use the bathroom. His mom is in there, so he went in to use it and asked his mom, "What is that between your legs?"

His mom told him that is her bush. Then the next day the same thing happened, but with his dad. He asked his dad, "What is that between his legs?" He said, "My snake."

The same thing happened one more time, except with his grandmother. Little Johnny asked grandma what is on her chest. She said, "My headlights."

One night, Little Johnny caught his parents doing something naughty. Then he said, "Grandma, grandma, turn on your headlights! Daddy's snake is trying to get into mommy's bush!"

What do you think of your mom? I can do it.

Wanna hear a joke?

YOUR MOM!

OHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.

Dad: Uh, yeah!

Son: Mom, Dad, what are you doing!

Parents: Sex!

Son: What?

Parents: Look, you can spectate!

I was born on the moon.

Yeah, my mom was high, and my dad was down to earth.

I was hitting my hand, and my mom asked me what I was doing. I said I'm beating my meat.

Mom! Mom! The class called me an orphan.