When you end up pregnant...
Mom told me if a boy touched my breast I should say "DON'T," and if he touched me down there I should say "STOP." But Dad, he touched me both places at once so I said, "DON'T STOP! DON'T STOP!" 😂
Your mom: Your plate is full, that's enough food on your plate.
Me: My plate is not full, I still see the white of the plate.
Bully: "Nobody loves you."
Me: "Aww, it must have hurt when your mom told you that."
Richard: Mom, someone called me gay.
Richard's mom: Why didn't you slap him across his face?
Richard: No, I couldn't.
Richard's mom: Why?
Richard: Because he was cute.
Mom: I was an orphan once. The kid: Oh, ok, idgaf. Mom: And you're gonna be too! :) The kid: Ok, idgaf- WAIT WHAT THE FU-
Bully: Your mom gay.
Me: There's something on your chin.
Bully: Where?
Me: No, on your fourth one.
Jay and Andrew are best friends who are almost alike. The difference between them both is Jay is poor and well... Andrew, on the other hand, is suck-a-dick poor. Let me explain, Jay wakes up in his room, walks to the kitchen, and asks his mom, Lisa (I call her Lisa now, btw), if there is anything to eat. "No, bitch!" she replies, so Jay drinks a glass of milk and goes back to bed.
Now Andrew... wakes up, jumps out of bed, and he's in the kitchen. He sees his mom fixing some food for work after a long hard night of giving her husband blue balls. "Anything left for me, Mother?" Andrew asks. "Sorry, Honey, I have to eat to put food on the table and to get the running again." *so she goes to work, taking her time* Andrew sits by his bedside and says to himself, "Man... I'd suck a dick for some water right now." *his mom storms back after hearing what he had said* "I'll buy you a soda if you do my first customer for me!"
Daughter: Dad, why are you so mean?
Dad: Because you are so mean, that's why.
Daughter: You so get on my nerves.
Dad: I am gonna slap you in your god darn head if you don't shut up.
Daughter: Wow, Dad, you savage.
Dad: 21 SAVAGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Daughter: Oh my God, I am tellin' Mom that you are doin' that thing again.
What did your mom say last night? "Go harder!"
The "M" and "D" in "orphan" stands for Mom and Dad.
Guess what? If your mom ever wants to have sex with you, tell her to make another.
My depressed mom looks good hanging from a tree.
One day I was walking around, then saw this mom mad at her kid and screamed, "You're adopted!" He said, "Yeah, I know. My REAL mommy is still at home with daddy."
I love you. You too. I love you. You have a good night. Love. Love. I love you. You and your mom, love. Love. You have the best friends. Love. You have fun. Love. Is it good? You you have to walk home from school and walk walk home from school. I have fun at home.
Are the three little pigs orphans because their mom kicked them out of the house?
Child: "Mom, what's an 'orgasm'?"
Mom: "I don't know, dear. Try asking your father."
What did the mom say to her house? "I love you"
How are shark eggs and your mom the same? They're both the biggest thing ever laid.
Your mom gay.
Your mom is a transgender, your dad took a wrong turn just like his gender, your brother is just gay.
