Mom

Mom jokes

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My mom told me it's not healthy to stay in my room all day... but the only places I'm allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.

  • 7

    • At school, Bobby's classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, Bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with "Why are you crying?" Bobby says, "Someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die?" His mom looks him straight in the eye and says, "Depends, which one are you referring to?"

    Mommy, why is my name Brick???

    Mom: When you were a little baby, a brick dropped on your head.

    Mommy, why is my name Rose???

    Mom: When you were a little baby, a rose petal dropped on your head.

    Brick walks in, "Blagudnunag."

    I was hitting my hand, and my mom asked me what I was doing. I said I'm beating my meat.

    I caught my mom licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that?" She replied, "I’m doing it for practice for who could suck the best dick contest in the neighborhood."

    My mom told me that she and the owner of a Chinese restaurant made a deal. Now we get free Chinese food. So I ask my mom why do we get free Chinese food? Then my mom said, "I love him long time."

    My mom asked me to stop making jokes about suicide.

    I answered, "Don't worry... I'll stop soon."

  • 8

    • A few male neighbors came over to the house to take a shower because, for some reason, their house didn't have water.

    A few minutes later, I walk into the shower. I see the male neighbors and Mom taking a shower together. Then I said, "What are you doing?" They all say, "We're taking a shower together so we could save water."

    What do you call a cow with no legs?

    Ground beef.

    What do you call a cow with 3 legs?

    Lean beef.

    What do you call a cow with 2 legs?

    Your mom.

  • 5