A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Give me 2 beers." The bartender gives him two beers and coughs in the guy's beer bottles before giving it to him. The guy says to the bartender, "Hey, what are you doing? I didn't order Bud Lights, I want Corona beer." The bartender replies, "Sir, I gave you a mix of Bud Light and Corona, and it's on the house, everyone is drinking Corona tonight."
Mix Jokes
One night when I was six, I had this super annoying accent, and when I said the number "six," Oh no... One night my Catholic priest asked me how many cookies I needed for my family. I told him six, but thanks to my accent being mixed with many others including Scottish, French, and Russian, it sounded like I said "I need to have sex." He looked at me strange then pulled me into a closet, being a pedo.
When Momma asked me why I was missing for 6 hours, I told her, "I went to get the cookies like you told me to, and father raped the Christianity out of me." The angry look she gave my father was amazing. Then with my Papa, she beat the hell outta him.
Serves him right.
I love Little Mix.
Yo mama is so fat, she got mixed up with Godzilla!
What name do you get if you mix the names Chris and Marisa?
Then you get the name Chrisa.
What happens if you mix the two names "Shannon" and "Stephanie"? You have the name "Shanny."
Why are eggs bad at puns?
They always mix up their yolks!
One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.
I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.
What do you get when you mix up a group of emos?
Suicide squad.
I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
I was baking a cake when I saw some egg shell in the mix. I said, "You've got to be yolking me!"
Someone at school judged my grammar.
I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? -- Tequila Mockingbird.
Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."
Three cowboys are at a fire talking about the best things they have done.
Cowboy 1 says, "I have taken out a whole group of raiders with my bare hands."
Cowboy 2 says, "I have killed a herd of bulls with my thumb."
Cowboy 3 chuckles as he mixes the fire with his dick.
What do you call a bunch of bi-racial, retarded kids? Mixed vegetables.
What happens if you mix a dick with a potato?
You get a dictator dic-dick-tator-potato!
When you mix a wizard, a rabbit, and a songwriter together, you get 24 carrot magic.
Did you hear how Stephen Hawking died?
There was a mix up, and he was dropped at PC World instead of A&E!
What do you call an elephant and a rhino mix?
Helliphino!
