Miscellaneous jokes

What time is it when a cow sits on your fence? Time to get a new fence!

What is white, black, and blue all at the same time?

Barack Obama.

I'm still playing hide & seek with my dad.

What do you get when you cross an eagle with a lion?

A griffin.

I couldn’t understand why the baseball was getting bigger and bigger.

Then it hit me.

20 fridges are loaded onto a plane, only 19 come off. Okay, moving on. You took too long.

How many steps does it take to put an elephant into a fridge? (*Their reply* I don't know how many.)

3, Open the fridge, put the elephant into the fridge, and close the door. How do you put a giraffe into the fridge? (*Their reply* 3...)

Wrong. 4, Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, and close the door. Why did Sally fall off the swing? A fridge fell on her.

How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw.

So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend.

Her boyfriend said "Hi."

I said, "Knife to meet you!"

What did the dime say to the penny? At least I have more cents than you.

Your life.

What do terrorists do on 9/11? They have a game of Jenga.

This is a lot like anal sex.

You always miss 100% of the shots if you don't take it.

Did Jesus die virgin? Nope, he got nailed before he died.

What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's cunt?

Putting in 12 and sucking out 13.

Superman was flying one day when he saw Wonder Woman laying by the pool completely naked. He thought, "I can fuck her so fast she wouldn't even know what happened." So he then flew down to the pool and did fuck her.

Wonder Woman stood up and said, "What was that?" The Invisible Man said, "I don't know, but my asshole stinks!"

Who does Adolph Hitler call in an emergency?

Nein, nein, nein!

If a person walks off a hundred-foot cliff and halfway down screams, "Why did I do that?" Then a second person walks off the same one-hundred-foot cliff and screams the same verse, "Why did I do that?" Then another person walks off the cliff and screams the same line, "Why did I do that," and the next person does the same thing. What do you call that?

(Stupid People)

Why do Native Americans hate snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land.

My friends.

So, a person walked into a shop.

Shop guy: "Hey RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD."

This is REALLY funny.

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Thank you very much.