Miscellaneous jokes
Did you hear about the boy who sat under a cow?
He got a pat on the head.
Arsenal
Bank owner: If you want to start a bank account, I need your name.
Guy: Robin
Bank owner: Your last name?
Guy: Debank
Bank owner: Robin Debank?
Guy: Put your hands up and give me all the money!
You're so small you went surfing on an ice lolly!
Sally fell off the swing. How did she fall off?
She had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Velcro is such a rip-off.
What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay guy? You have to ask permission before stuffing it with meat.
When you send a dick pic and she sends one back,
I'm glad mine is the biggest, so I get to fuck my dad again.
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your way into someone's pants.
I couldn’t understand why the baseball was getting bigger and bigger.
Then it hit me.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Daisy. Daisy who? Daisy me rollin', they hatin'!
What do Chinese people order: noodles in bed with some fried cat?
What has 2 legs, 2 arms, and an abusive father?
Aaron.
What’s 12 inches and is moist inside?
My record holding cucumbers, locally grown at my farm.
Do you want to go to the pool?
Yes? Well, water you waiting for?
What do you get when you cross an eagle with a lion?
A griffin.
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.
So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend.
Her boyfriend said "Hi."
I said, "Knife to meet you!"
What do terrorists do on 9/11? They have a game of Jenga.
What time is it when a cow sits on your fence? Time to get a new fence!